Wednesday, 21 May 2008


Its been 4 months now.

I'm sitting here listening to our songs. Gone were the days when I could sulk and lose my temper and you'd forgive me no matter what. Gone were those times when we waited for each other counting hours and minutes till we met again, sending messages, and emails.

You touching my complexion along to this song. Your fingers tracing my face, my nose, my cheeks, my lips..How that one sentence always makes us smile. All those songs we listened to together.

Gone with this song were those memories from the moment we woke up together to the moment we fell asleep together and every minute in between. We've fallen for each other since the first day we met.

Gone were those words and promises made. We will never be the same again.


Every time I close my eyes, I can imagine you, and almost pretend you're beside me again. Supporting me through everything, loving me no matter what, and I'm the only person in your mind, the first person you think of when you're happy or unhappy.

I can imagine you asleep lying beside me. The steady rhythm of your breathing, your chest rising and falling, you looked so handsome, I was so glad you're mine. I always loved your fair and smooth skin. Watching you, I felt so lucky. Things will never be the same again.

Its time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry.

I miss the time you came up to hug me from behind at Burger King in Newcastle, I miss your stupid horny jokes, I miss making you laugh, I miss cooking together with you, I miss my green slippers you bought, I miss standing on the same step with u at the escalators on the tube, I miss bedtime, i miss you so much. Why did I return to kuching without you?

I miss your voice, your smile, your smell, your jacket, your clothes, your body, your hugs, your kisses. Wei tao. That song you sent me. Along with how many others?

Our gaming, karaoke, movie, news session at home? Along with bathing and cooking sessions? Our outings. I love you like I've never loved anyone else..

You hate it when I answer back sometimes, I know. Sometimes you want to slap me so hard. I know. My cibai kuan you told me. You say I'm immature when I do something wrong. Yes, you're right. I think with my heart, not my head. Unlike you.

You were so angry with me, you told me: Hate that I love you!

I know you spent so much time and money just to be with me. Newcastle, London, Amsterdam, Edinburgh, Norway.

I miss our first 20 days together.

My parents will never attend any of my graduation ceremonies but you attended both. Not the third one though. I will be alone.

Baby, you taught me so much. About engineering, being patient, staying at home with you, life.

We are such different creatures, I taught you the other side of life. Of business, of having fun occasionally, to be calm in times of crisis.

You taught me to gamble, I taught you to drink. Our addictions.

I used to think our differences kept us apart. But you always told me you think the opposite way and our differences just means we have more things to share and talk about and eventually learn from each other.

In the end, we may have our differences, but we are so happy together. It just fades into the background and it doesn't matter at all..

All these memories come to an end because we will never be the same again.


In the dark, my tears fall unchecked.

Home is where you are. Can I go home to you?

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