Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Acting dumb

For anyone who knows me in real life, my voice is very soft. It doesn't feel that way to me of course. But, almost every time I speak, the other person has to say: Sorry? Hah? Excuse me? What?

Its completely unintentional and I especially hate it when people lean in close to me with their ears pointed to me. Or when they answer hmmm? When its obvious they don't care a shit what you have to say. which is great cos they can continue talking nonstop.

Over time, I got used to keeping quiet since I'm so sick of repeating myself again and again to everyone. Even when I answer, my mum can't hear me.

Now throw in alcohol and suddenly everyone can hear me. Either my voice got louder because I have more confidence to talk, or people notice me on the dance floor all dolled up shaking that ass.

Either way, I should have gone for a tonsillectomy many years ago.

Heck, when customers can't hear you it really sucks. Observe:

Jim: I'll have a Big Mac.

Me: Do you want it as a meal with fries and drink?

Jim: Sorry, what did you say?

Me: Do you want fries and a drink with your Big Mac?

Jim: Oh yea. I want a meal.

Me: what drink please?

Jim: what? sorry, can you speak up? (he's obviously had a bad day as am i)

Me: drink? (making a hand gesture; imitating drinking)

Jim: coke.

Me: £3.29 please.

Jim: thanks.

Me: thank you. please come again. (MCD employees are forced to say this)

Jim: what? speak up please.

Me: never mind.

with that I normally fake a smile and turn around muttering: CIBAI!!

This goes on a few times every day.

This is routine. Bear in mind that McD is not a quiet place at all. With my quiet voice, add to it the sound of customers and other colleagues talking, to the fries machine sounds, the coffee machine, hot chocolate machine, banging of the tills, cell phones ringing, kids talking, to the music playing in store.

I want a LOUD voice. Like Shirley's. People will be intimidated by me man.

I won't dare pick a fight with shirley. I always lose. Cos my voice can't be heard around her. So not fair!

Make a wish. No, its not a shooting star or any shit. Its a plane. The skies in London are filled with these.

Anyway, wishes do come true. Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it. Someday.

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