Thursday, 31 July 2014

Sofa bed

New addition to my room:

It's a one-seater sofa bed. Looks super comfy and it is. Very happy with it. 

Cs has been looking around for a nursing chair for me..and we finally decided on this one. I actually saw the 3-seater sofa bed at the show room and fell in love with it. The salesman told me there is a one-seater and said I could order it. So I actually ordered it without knowing how it looks like.

In reality, its bigger than we thought. Luckily there's just enough space to fit in. I figured this chair can be a good addition to our future nursery or bedroom next time. No problemo. 

Bad news is my room is now super cramped. I have to fit baby's crib inside this room as well and move out my rack of clothes.

Don't know if I'll have space to walk or not but no choice. I really don't want to put baby's bed with the confinement lady. At least not at first. There are a few problems though..such as, what happens when Cs' snoring wakes up baby or baby's crying will cause Cs to have no sleep as well?

I don't mind about myself cos I am prepared for the worst. Hahah. Since I'm not working for 2 months, whatever la. My sleep is not as important. I can sleep when baby is sleeping. But him? How is he supposed to sleep in the day time?

We shall see is the answer.

Actually that's my answer to a lot of things now. How long are you going to breastfeed? Are you prepared to breastfeed? Are you going back to work immediately? Who's going to care for your baby? Have you found a babysitter? Is your mom your confinement lady?

I don't know a lot of things but to the last one: no, mom is definitely not my confinement lady heheh. Its better I hope - less quarrels maybe? I foresee lots of conflicts of opinions. At least with the CL, I won't feel as guilty asking her to do things my way since I'm paying her.

Abrupt ending. Update more next time.

Daddy updates

Wrote this post a few weeks back actually but only choosing to post now. Same reason: feels way too personal. Don't know whether to share or not. But I do still want to leave a record of this somewhere. An update, if you will. 

Worrying. Constantly worrying. Trying to tell myself it could be worse. But it feels pretty bad now. And if I feel like this, how would dad be feeling?

I wish. If only wishes came true. I do believe sometimes they do. Not at the right time maybe. .but eventually.

Back story on dad's cancer here.

The long story goes like this:

So dad has been undergoing treatment all this time. Whenever I say that, people automatically assume chemo. Guess that's the most common treatment eh? Or surgery.

Dad did not have a surgery because believe it or not, surgery is for those whose cancer has not spread outside the prostate gland. For dad, surgery is no longer an option because it has already spread to his lymph nodes and bones. In other words, cutting off his manhood won't help. (Sorry dad).

He did not have chemotherapy too because my uncle (dad's brother) who passed away from prostate cancer had chemo and he was in a lot of pain and it didn't work. So dad is adamant. No chemo for him.

On the bright (sort of) side, there are other treatment options: hormone therapy, injections etc. These are keeping his PSA levels down (for now). Until his body (cancer) sort of adapts, or fights back, and the PSA increases, then we find other treatment options. PSA has increased recently but the more pressing problem for us now is his leg.

About sometime end of last year, dad's right foot started to swell. We didn't know what could it be and he went to different doctors to find out the cause. We didn't think it was related to the cancer at all.

What we have heard of so far from Doctors includes: water retention, bacteria infection, fungal infection, DVT, and filariasis (rare mosquito bite). Some meds work for a while but it has since come back (with a vengeance).

What this means is that we are busy going to several different doctors, taking a lot of blood tests, ultrasounds and scans.

It started from his foot, then his calves, and now his whole right leg is swollen. It is red, huge, and starting to cause him more pain. Fuck this shit really.

A few weekends back, two guys from the medical department came to take dad's blood and our whole family's blood to check if it could be filariasis. Both times negative. Apparently according to him, the last known case in Kuching was in 1996. These cases are supposedly more common in Miri though.

Kev's turn to take blood here.

Dad's leg looks much bigger now. He walks with a limp and moves much slower than he used to.

For a while, when they suspected it was DVT, we were sooo worried. Because apparently the treatment plan involves injections everyday like a diabetic patient. No travelling on air planes etc and the risk is pulmonary embolism. But after the ultrasound, it wasn't. Short relief. After the antibiotics and other meds didn't work, Doc was baffled too. He suggested we get tested for filariasis.

For a while, when we suspected it was filariasis, we got our hopes up too. Because at least there is a cure and an answer. Take some medication and it'll clear up. No problem.

Of course, now we have found out the cause of the swelling already. Turns out his cancer has progressed. After a CT scan, we saw that his cancer has spread to his lymph nodes and this is causing the swelling in his legs. It has already spread there actually just that now its a bigger portion and causing the blockage.

Also his PSA recently increased. These are signs that its time to change course of treatment. So, we decided on radiotherapy. Dad has been and is still going for radiotherapy treatment 6 times a week now. 

Prayers and kind thoughts are very much welcome now.

I hope this treatment works and the swelling goes down as his leg is really bothering him now.

Watching him gives me heartache.

If you know my father, you'll know that he is a very strong man. He does not look or act his age. He exercises regularly and even though he's overweight, he looks built and sturdy more than fat. (No more exercise for weeks now already).

So for him to complain of pain, it must really hurt.

My dad is a fast walker ok. He leaves my mom (and everyone else) trailing behind. He's the one shouting orders at people, moving at super fast speed. Now he's limping and walking slower than me, the heavily pregnant woman. I knew how much he hated it - he was very quiet and he didn't want to go out much because of the stares and/or questions about his leg.

As of today:

I think his leg swelling went down a little (dunno is it my wishful thinking or not). But its definitely less red now. *Fingers crossed very tightly here.

I'm remaining positive. Hopefully this treatment works at treating his leg and keeping his PSA levels now for as long as possible.

He wants to travel more these days while he can. I think its a great idea..but what with all these airline news these days, I'm scared too. Ahh I'll worry about one thing at a time.


Recent photo of dad and cherrie on his birthday. :)

Thursday, 24 July 2014

Now it hurts

Countless times I have actually cried out loud suddenly: owww! And Cs gives me a look. I nod back at him and we continue our conversation normally. It is that common already.

Insert vain photo first since I seldom put on makeup these days.

Baby girl, you’re trying to scrape mummy’s insides raw is it? That’s what it feels like sometimes. Other times it feels like a huge wave from one side to the other (that’s when she’s turning.) Sometimes I get jabs in quick succession on one spot non stop and at another spot simultaneously. This feels like her throwing a tantrum because it must be her arms and legs flailing/kicking together. 

Her movements changed somewhat at about 29 weeks I think. It became less kicks. Mostly its rolls, squirms, and just random movements. But make no mistake, it hurts!!! 

She’s a morning person – particularly active in the mornings. Last time she quieted down after I ate something. Not now though. I had a bowl of cereal with milk this morning and a glass of honey. Moving around nonstop. So I have another slice of bread with peanut butter and a slice of cheese. She’s busy digesting the food now I expect.

I have felt the famous Braxton Hicks contractions once so far (touch wood). It happened one night as I was lying down on the bed. Felt like my stomach was contracting. If felt like a series of tight squeezes. With every squeeze I held tightly to Cs’ hands too. Scared the hell out of him. Scared the hell out of me too (am I going into labour????!!!) Think it lasted about 5 to 10 mins before I went to toilet and checked for any bleeding. Nothing. Peed and came back to bed. Miraculously it stopped. Phew. But it was only days later did I realize hey..that must have been Braxton Hicks!

These days, I commonly feel a foot lodged in my ribs or sides. The ones at the sides hurt. Last night I wanted to show Cs some songs on youtube, but baby apparently likes or hates music, I dunno. Maybe she's dancing inside. She moved nonstop to the music and I got scared. Hurriedly shut down youtube cos those movements hurt. Sorry baby..promise you can dance after you come out k?

Good hair day. Showing you my backside cos I would like to think from the back you can't tell I'm prego. Took these photos on July 13. Dad's birthday dinner at Merdeka palace. Deja vu walking past VA. All those memories good and bad hahaa. 

This photo not clear enough to show off tummy cos its a black dress. I hardly wear bodycon dresses but dunno why I felt like wearing it that day. Might as well flaunt the tummy when I can eh. Wore this to go to a buffet dinner some more. Damn regret - it was so tight after eating and I had to keep tugging the dress down cos it got shorter. 

This one much clearer. Mom got me the dress from Taiwan. Its pretty but kinda tight in my upper half. Didn't stop me from wearing them though. I'm running out of clothes to wear - I keep wearing the same ones to work. Oh well. Not long to go I hope.

I miss shopping. I would randomly open up blogshops and browse through but didn't Add to Cart la. As much as I believe in my own determination and willpower to lose all baby weight asap, who knows how long it'll take right?

Plus I heard your hips get wider after giving birth. Noo. Bra size increase ok but not ass size please. 


Change topic.

Just now in the lift, I met these two angmoh's. They said thank you to me when they left the lift, when all I did was press level 4 for them and hold the door open for them. I take this ride everyday, 3 times a day. Locals will most of the time: 1) ignore 2) say thank you half or less than half of the time 3) continue chatting loudly/shriek with laughter and walk out of lift still shrieking like a hyena (pest control please).

For me, I would say thank you or smile and nod my thanks if I know the person.

Its just one small example of how angmoh's are so much more politer than locals. I know not all. But majority are. I also know not all locals are like that but let's face it. Majority of Malaysians are rude. 

I hate it when people rush in from the other side when I opened the door. Especially now that I'm prego ok. You wanna knock me down issit? I can't dodge as fast as I can anymore. Rude. 

There was this elderly angmoh guy who held the door open for me. I said thank you and smiled. But his wife (I assumed she's his wife) behind him scowled at me and said: he should be opening it for me. Me: errr... not my fault eh woman. So yea polite husband and rude wife. Baffled me.

When I just went to the U.K., I learned to be more polite. Always use please and thank you. Sometimes you have to say thank you many times in a conversation. One of the stores I worked in, to open the toilet doors, customers have to ask us staff to do it. We press a button under the counter and say "pull the door please". But honestly after the 1,056th customer of the day, I just say: pull the door (no smile). Manager walking by (whisper in my ear): please! Pull the door please! 

Ish. Got reprimanded. That's just one small example.

When I came back to Kuching, it was hard to let go of all my please and thank you's immediately. I go around thanking everyone, to the amusement of my friends.

But unfortunately, after encountering so many rude people, I slowly became one of them. I lost patience and started being rude back. Because it was easier. I still say thank you but not repeatedly anymore. Lost the "please" along the way. Lost the smiles along the way too.

Its a shame though. 

Just wanted to say that after encountering those two people just now, I want to sort of reclaim it back. Make an effort to be less bitchy/rude to certain people la. If you're rude to me first then can't blame me ah.

Thursday, 10 July 2014

31 weeks update

Hello. Yet another pregnancy post yawn. That's my life now. Wake up, work, go home, rest, work, eat, sleep, work, boring. Hardly go out on weekends even. 

I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining because I’m not really. I’m just trying to jot down my feelings right now at this point in time. I wonder how Nifer’s feeling these days. Hmm haven’t talked to her in ages.

Anyway. Moving on.

Comfort wise – there is no bright side. If its not neck ache, its upper back pain or lower back pain, or pain in ribs, or pain in sides, or pain in my hooha (TMI?) 

I make full use of the massage chair at home and of Cs. Massage chair every night and Cs in hard to reach places (sounds wrong).  

I think it would be better for me if I don’t have to sit down at work so much. Sitting down staring at the computer is contributing to my neck pains and back pains.

Size wise – getting bigger every day. Quite amazed at how much I grew. Out of sheer perversity, I take out my old dresses in my regular size and marvel at how small it is. Then try and squeeze into them, then get upset at myself for not being able to squeeze into them (psycho). Then cheer myself up again with positive thoughts. Then whine to Cs: do you still love me/I feel fat/ (insert fake tears) Hahah joke please.

Just now during lunch time, Cs brought me to Mcd at Merdeka Mall so he can collect the Coke glass. Mehh I’m not a fan of those glasses. Why he wants them I dunno la. He thinks we can use it at the new house – quality quite good he says plus its free. Okay…if you say so. Double cheeseburger for me please. Ever since I got knocked up, I felt less guilty ordering double cheeseburger. Hehehh I need the extra calories what and stomach is only going to get bigger no matter what I eat. Bright side!

Then after Mcd, we went to Cotton On so I can stare mournfully at the clothes I cannot fit into. Hahah joke please. I did ask him can I have a reward i.e. shopping spree after giving birth when I’m back to my old size? Him: ok. We agreed on a budget and I’m happy again. This is him saying ok now..but we shall see by then. 

I tapau-ed a Frappucino back to the office. Happy me again. Felt like I went back to the office grinning from ear to ear. So unlike the me that walked out at 12:30pm earlier. 

Technically its still lunch time so surfing is still ok.

The other day I was in a forum for prego women due in Sept. One topic stood out: what is the silliest thing you cried about recently? (due to hormones) Oh man it was sooo funny the range of answers. I particularly liked one about this woman who bought kebabs, but there was not enough cabbage on them, which she opened when she reached home. She cried then went out and bought a whole cabbage and finished it by herself HAHAH. There were many more funny answers but I can't remember them now.

For me, I don’t particularly cry over stuff. Only when I’m super tired and concern from Cs makes me cry. Just a simple: are you ok baby? makes me cry. But that was weeks ago. Nowadays I’m back to normal (or so I like to think hehe).

OK that wasn't much of an update but its good enough for now.

Monday, 7 July 2014

Life's like this

So..I've been getting huge (or so I think) but apparently not as huge as I should dammit. Went for a scan and baby girl is 2 weeks behind her estimated weight. Hmph. Made me worried only and repeatedly asked doctor: what can I do? Eat more? Eat what? Do what?? I already eat, sleep, and repeat everyday! 

But he assured me its not my food intake. She's getting her nutrition all right. It might just be genetics. Baby must take after Cs' side of the family cos my family side ain't small. We are all big sized and big bones. I kid you not. Everyone is tall. Females are all 170 cm and above besides me, Win and Arldalyn lol. Males are probably all 180 cm and above la. And mostly big sized. 

I even told Dr. Nic: but I'm fat wor when I came out. I was 4kg!! Yeah.. He smiled and assured me its probably genetics but he wants me to go back every 2 weeks for a check up now to make sure she's growing well.

In the meantime, I tell myself: eating more can't hurt right?

Oh nothing. Just some light snacks. Not my proper meals la. Unhealthy I know. I eat my proper meals too. Cs brought these home for me after work. Heheh he knows his pregnant wife well. A selection in case I want ice cream, cake or coke. I already have chocolates in the fridge. That my stupid brother keeps eating I might add!!!! 

I buy kit kats, he finishes them. I scold him and he buys them for me again. Then he eats them again. I scold him again. He buys them again. =.= Stealing food from a pregnant lady = bad move.

I still have a slice of cheese cake at home. Mmmm looking forward. :)

This was taken ermm..2 weeks back? I'm now 31 weeks pregnant actually. 9 more weeks to go. Eeeek. Where has the time gone???

The other day my colleague asked me: have you gotten everything ready?

Me: ya...almost. Just have to get myself ready now.

Yeah, I'm not kidding. My feelings I mean. 

Tell u a secret ah, I have to do no.2 when I'm scared/nervous/butterflies in my tummy. On the morning of my graduation, I had to keep running to the toilet. I'm damn scared I have to keep doing no.2 when I'm in labour. FML really. Its already really common to poop while in labour, do I need to intensify it with my anticipation? Stupid.

Change topic. Been waking up earlier to go for breakfast before work these days. I'm proud of myself and of Cs. As soon as I mention I'm hungry in bed, he leaps up and hurriedly gets ready so we can have breakfast before work. :) 

This was at Hi-bread Petanak.

Incidentally, Cs is trying to bring me out for lunch more these days so I can have more food choices. His mum is so nice. When he told her that baby girl is slim, she went: I give you money..u must bring Amy out more for lunch. Bring her to eat more good food.

Okay! Hahahha...why am I so lucky? I also don't know. Lucked out with awesome mom in law. I know la, its for baby girl but since I'm doing the eating, well good for me too. :)

Saw this funny but lame photo. Hahha had to share it. 

This is just fatty being her usual manja self. She lay there refusing to get up cos she wants more belly rubs. I already sayang her for a good 5 minutes (I think). Then I said ok enough. Get up. And I walked away. But she lay there looking at me acting cute. So I went searching for my phone and took this photo and she still won't move. Too cute.

This is Winnie's efforts at crochet-ing. For future reference, I shall just say knitting. Its easier. She's into DIY stuff these days. Starting with knitting. She's onto her second scarf now btw. That's her first. 

On Fri or was it Saturday night, mom and dad were all dressed up going out for dinner and they brought a bottle of Macallan. Mom to Win: wanna go drinking?

Win (knitting): no.

Me (pregnant): yes.

Haih our parents are more happening than us. This was about 2 or 3 nights in a row ok. And they just came back from holiday. Jealous max.

I gotta stop shopping for baby stuff. No I'm serious. I took out all her stuff to wash the other day. Man that's a lot of clothes already. Good thing is we probably don't need to buy her new stuff till she's 1 year old lol. In between mom, me and gifts from other people, she has enough clothes to last for a whole year. Serious. Lucky we all had the foresight to buy clothes in newborn, 3-6 months, 6-9 months and even 9 to 12 months. So yeah plenty of clothes.

New house in progress. Progress is slow! Can't wait for it to be done. Can't wait to finally renovate the place and move in. 

OK update more next time.