Tuesday, 17 March 2015


Meme time from Sunday Stealing.

One Thing .....

 that makes you smile:
Lexie, of course. :D

that makes you cry:
 Frustration it seems nowadays. Sappy emotional scenes on tv. Someone died? Bawl fest. Some sweet act? Bawl fest. I wasn't like this before I got knocked up btw. Must be the hormones (still).

that you love to do on the weekends:
 Bahahhahah I have no weekends.

that you do for only yourself:
 Wipe my butt? No, not correct. Squeeze my boobs (for milk).

that you have in your underwear drawer that's NOT underwear:

that you do before going to sleep:

that you do within the first 15 minutes after waking:
 Snooze my alarm hahhaa

that's in your purse: that you actually LIKE to clean:
 Ehhh/??? Why would I have something in my purse to clean?

that you DETEST cleaning:
 toilet bowl

that other people would find odd about you:
 Err I dunno. U should ask them. 

that you would buy if I handed you a $100 bill:
 Food and drinks. Splurge on good food and a glass of bubbly cos I so deserve it. :D

that you feel you HAVE to do before you die:
Travel. Soo many places I want to go to.


1. Three things that scare me:
Ghosts, pain, loved ones leaving me.

 2. Three people who make me laugh:
Cs, Lexie, myself.

3. Three things I love:
money, money and money. Materialistic? You said things, not people.

4. Three things I hate:
Can I not answer this? Lazy la. 

5. Three things I don't understand:
Advanced maths, why people we love die, why the world isn't fair.

6. Three things on my desk:
Fruits, tissue paper, bottle warmer.

7. Three things I'm doing right now:
This, eating apples, and waiting for the bathroom.

8. Three things I want to do before I die:
Kiss Lexie, travel, have a screaming orgasm.

9. Three things I can do:
Cook, dance, sing. You didn't say do well.

10. Three things I can't do:
Sing, be patient, act like I care.

11. Three things you should listen to:
Elders, dunno.

12. Three things you should never listen to:
Rubbish, talk from stupid people, and er I dunno Justin bieber?

13. Three things I'd like to learn:
a new language, cook more dishes, and how to earn more money

14. Three favorite foods:
pizza, jap, and desserts.

15. Three beverages I drink regularly:
plain water, water and coke.

16. Three shows I watched as a kid:
disney cartoons.

Yah quite boring I realize. Bye.

Lexie is 6 months plus

I have abandoned my blog for so long.

Find me on Dayre. I update there almost every day.

Being a parent really isn't easy. A mom. I owe a huge apology to all mothers out there especially housewives. That term housewife. I had no idea what it entails. I had no idea of all the work. I had no idea period.

But now I do.

I am responsible for this little human being whom I love with all my heart. Its not easy to love her after listening to her wailing, screaming and shouting the whole day (like today) but I do. My heart hurts even when I see her crying her little heart out, tears leaking out, poor baby all tired out. Why do I love her so damn much?

I used to think housewives have it so easy. Feed baby, cook, clean house. Pfft. So much free time in between.

Yeah fucking right. 

In between feeding baby and sleep, I have no time to do anything else. Not even joking. 

My schedule these days is: 

Wake up when baby wakes up, Cs feeds her while I pump, bath baby, entertain her a while, put her to sleep, when she sleeps, I pump. Then she wakes up (nap 30 mins only whyyyyyy???). I have to lie down beside her and pretend to sleep while I give her pacifier only then she'll go back to sleep (maybe- works sometimes not all the time), Run downstairs to prepare her lunch (cook porridge with broccoli, puree it, wait for it to cool and feed her). Best case scenario is I can stand in the kitchen waiting for it to cook. Reality is me running up and down the stairs 20 times because my super bionic ears can hear her cries (where is my mommy cries). I now cook porridge at night only when she's sleeping and Cs is at home.

Err where was I? Basically repeat feed, entertain, put her to sleep. If I have time, feed myself, use the toilet, and oh yes pump. The most time consuming hated activity of all: pump. Breastmilk ftw. 

Its actually not that hard to be a mom. Its hard to be a GOOD mom.

I don't have to give her breast milk. But I want to.

I don't have to cook her own food. Buy ready made. But I want to.

I don't have to react to her cries immediately. But I need to.

I don't have to entertain her, play with her, try to read to her, engage in play time with her. But I want to.

Anyway. I'm not complaining. No way.

Despite it all, I do it willingly everyday. Every bit of it is still worth it.

Its so rewarding to see her grow and to watch her learn new skills,.I'd do it all over again.

Silly but true.

At the end of a particularly rough day (like today), I think to myself: I want to kill myself. I'm not having another baby ever! No way. 

But as I stand over her cot watching her sleep, my heart melts. Yes, I would do it all over again.

Sappy. Corny. Cliche. 

Sometimes I would look at her and think: why did it take me so long to decide to have a baby?

I could have had her in my life a long time ago. I really didn't know what I was missing out. No wonder parents stick together. I mean, birds of a feather stick together and all that. Its true. Single people won't get it. I didn't get it. Babies bore me. Baby talk - boring.

But now its all I talk about. I follow alot of mom's on Dayre. Its nice to see people going through the same phase of life as you. People who get it. :)

I guess this is an update.


Hello. Yes, I'm mommy's princess.

Yes, that's my mommy.

She likes to put on hats and headbands for me. Hats suit me better.

Mommy also likes dressing me in dresses. Especially pink ones.

That's my daddy. I love him too.

Daddy bathes me every morning.

This was when I was about 2 months old?

There's mommy kissing me for about the 1,200th time in a day again.

This was when I was 3 months plus?

Lazy to think of captions anymore..

This is a more recent pic..probably taken last couple of weeks..

This was past 2 days. All pink, what else is new? Hahahha.

Laters yo.

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

One Month

I'm wondering how to start this post. As I'm writing this, Lexie is about 6 weeks plus. Things I have learned so far:

1) Everything everyone said is true. Motherhood is hard. You really will have no time to eat, drink, poop or breathe.

2) I hate breastfeeding with a vengeance. But I do it anyway. Sore nipples and leaky boobs. Thank God for breast pads. When Winnie came over and saw them, I went yea. They're just like period pads, except for your boobs. 

3) I hate my breast pump. But I do it anyway. :) (The smiley face shows that I'm semi joking lah)

4) I fall more and more in love with Lexie each day. I didn't foresee this though. That I would love this tiny human being with all my heart. I never thought I would be ok with so little sleep and still be able to function.

5) I still love Cs. One day, sometime in the first week or so, Cs and I were holding each other and he asked me: do u still love me? He said he was a bit worried that after baby was out, we wouldn't be the same as before, or that one of us would be neglected. I understood what he meant cos I felt that way too. My love for her is different from my love for him. Ick. So vomit inducing. Moving on.

6) There are good days and bad days. Of course. 

7) Will my jelly belly go away? I hate my body post birth. But so does everyone eh? Except maybe Gisele Bundchen, Miranda Kerr, Megan Fox and all those perfect looking people. Looking at their bikini bodies make my eyes hurt. Where is the linea nigra? Where is the flab? Hahhaha. Bitter is my middle name now. Cannot blame me. I wanna see some flab and stretch mark lines. 

8) Speaking of stretch marks, I didn't get any. Phew. I used L'occitane almond oil every night btw. Any pregnant woman wanna try as well? 

9) Why am I typing in numbers? Might as well continue now. 

10) As each day passes, I'm worried about work. How am I going to go back to work? What will I do to earn a living? Meh. Moving on. Depressing topic.

11) I miss my sleep. Cs and I take shifts at night to take care of her. I love my husband.

12) I miss going on holidays. Cs and I fantasize about going to Japan, KL, Taiwan Singapore. Anywhere. And how are we going to bring her with us. Heheh. One day soon I hope.

13) As I run downstairs to wash and sterilize bottles, my ears are straining to hear baby cries. I run back upstairs only to find her still sleeping. But it seems every time I run to the toilet, she knows. Sure to wake up at the right wrong time.

14) I still don't have the confidence to bring her out by myself. Or ourselves. Bottle feeding makes everything complicated. Sien. Not really lah but she's picky over bottles too. For a period of time one bottle works, then another, then another. So we keep running out of bottles. I finish using one and hurriedly go to wash and sterilize it. It would be so much easier if she takes milk direct from my breasts. Telling myself that breast milk is still better than no breast milk. Don't complain. Also, I have to time my outings with pumping. Did I mention I hate breastfeeding?

15) One smile makes all of it worth it though. One laugh is priceless now. Still very rare. Her smiles come and go. I love discovering all her little antics. Sleeping with her hands over her face, scrunching up her face when she cries. Swear to God even her cries sound cute on good days. Instead of panicking as I did before, I can somewhat guess what she wants now and its easier to soothe her this way.

16) I still panic when poop explosions happen though. Hahaha. Panicking cos it goes everywhere! I guess I have it easier than moms of little boys though. Their pipe goes everywhere, including on themselves.

OK. Enough chatter. Photos:

Hmm..should I have cry now or later when mommy puts me down?

She looks so tiny here. She has since outgrown that onesie already! Some clothes cannot fit. How did this happen? How time flies!

First family photo. Sorta.

Mommy, mommy! Hello? No more selfies!

 Love this photo. Little koala bear hold.

So fun watching her grow. More and more pattern these days.

Even sleeping, she never fails to amuse me. Looked over in her cot and found her sleeping like this. Why are you covering your ears baby? Daddy's singing that bad? Heheh. 

Anyway. I update more on Dayre. Almost every day. Follow me there. Download the mobile app. Much easier to update and stalk people!


Wednesday, 10 September 2014

The Birth Story

Since I'm free now and not so exhausted, I want to update life for the past few days. Lexie is sleeping. For the first time in the past few days, I'm not fighting sleep. I feel as if I can fully open my eyes only today.

I didn't get more than 4 hours of sleep the day before I went in to BMC (hospital) to get induced. I got admitted at 8 am on Tuesday morning. After a last sausage and egg McMuffin meal of course. Went in with my hospital bag and was so jittery. Good nerves. Got asked to strip almost immediately and checked in. Felt like being in a hotel to be honest. What do you want for lunch and dinner?

Btw, hospital meals not as bad as I thought. Healthy food. Except the steamed chicken. Bleh bland.

Doc came by about 9 am to induce me. (Induce = shove a pill up your vagina in order to let the pill work its magic and make your cervix open). I have to wait 6 hours till the next one.

Very early on with no pains yet obviously.

 In the meantime, everyone is hoping I'll have contractions. My contractions started late. Just some vagina pains (ouch) when I walk, and lower stomach cramps (like period pains) and lower back pain. I was so excited. Yessss. Its starting. But at the same time super apprehensive. 

Me: shit la. If this is mini contractions, how about the big ones later????

Cs: (didn't say anything). Wise guy. Just continued patting me and consoling me.

3:30 pm (I think): Doc came by to check if my cervix is open.

Doc: Bad news. Not even 1 cm. Not open yet.

Me: whattttttt?????????????????? You lieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

So I got induced a second time and he stretched my cervix even more. Might I inform anyone going for this that it hurts. It freaking hurts. I started bleeding. Boo Doc. Should be normal la but so I had to put on a maternity pad already. 

This time it hurts even more and almost immediately. They had me hooked to a machine so I could see my contractions, and baby's heartbeat on the monitor. I used my mp3 player and Cs as a distraction. This time the contractions really hurt but instead of growing stronger like they should, I felt them fading away as the hours went by. My family and his were with my most of the evening so that provided a distraction.

But about after 10 pm, I noticed the contractions becoming less gradually and the bleeding too. By midnight, I was sure that I wasn't going into labour yet. What a freaking waste of time to be in pain all for nothing. That was my thought.

Next morning about 9 am, Doc came to check again. Nope cervix not open yet.

Me: whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????? 

Shoved another pill up there and informed me: if your cervix is still not open yet, we have to do a C-section this afternoon. 

OK. I was all game. Honestly, the pain and waiting wasn't worth it. Baby's heartbeat started to get lower that morning so that was what worried me and Cs the most. Anything to keep Lexie safe. We were worried that she could be in distress. I noticed that she moved less too already.

The 3rd induction was weird. I felt almost nothing. No pain. I went to take a shower and washed my hair again cos I just knew it didn't work. I walked around feeling bored and updated my Facebook status. Boring.

Walking around trying to speed things up. Didn't work.

11 am: Nurses came to check on me again and informed me they were going to shave me.

Me: so I'm going to have a C-section? Confirmed?

Nurse: Ya.

OK. So that's it. I sure didn't look like I was going into labour nor was I panting in pain like the aftereffects of the second pill. Weird.

2:30 pm: Doc came to check me again and informed me that I'm going to surgery at 3 pm.

3:30pm: Got wheeled into the operating theater. Mom, Win and Cs accompanied me up. Cs could come in only. He went to scrub and gown up.

Me, I went to get a drip and spinal block. Everything seemed to happen very fast then. Doc informed me that they have to be fast due to my low placenta problem. Didn't want me to bleed too much cos he'll be cutting through my placenta. He was very reluctant for me to have a C-section because of this. But thanks to him, I am fine and have a baby right in front of me now.

Anyway. Where was I?

To be honest, the drip hurt more than the spinal block. But honestly, it was nothing compared to the contractions I felt the day before. The stretch and sweep of my vagina hurt much more.

After the spinal block injection, I felt my legs getting warm almost immediately and after that it just felt like being on pins and needles. My entire lower section of my body. I couldn't feel anything from my boobs down.

They put up a screen in front of me so I couldn't see. Started cleaning my abdomen and asked me if I felt anything?

Me: err....nope. You sure I'm numb? Completely sure I'm numb?

Nobody replied me btw. Think I said it too soft or they must be ignoring me. Probably cut into me already lol.

Cs was at my side then and I asked him to distract me. It didn't hurt at all. Mostly it was just the feeling of pushing and tugging when they pulled the baby out.

About 15 mins after I got wheeled into the operating theater, they got Lexie out already. Doc informed me they were going to push her out. The anesthetist helped push from above and two others were doing the same below.

For me, I felt a lot of pressure on my chest and breathlessness but that's it. Tugging feeling but no pain. 

Lexie crying. Cs said she cried even before they clamped the cord. Doc showed her to me briefly (my first thought: she's so tiny!!!) and they took her off to the side to clean her up. I started tearing up and was trying hard not to burst into tears as I heard her cries and when they pushed her to my side. Anesthetist offered to help take photos of us with Cs' phone (thank you!!). They even took some videos of us inside. Super considerate.

The sewing me up part took the next 45 mins. After Lexie was out, I felt dizzy. Really really dizzy and trying not to sleep. Cs was distracting me describing Lexie to me and talking about nonsense to make me smile. I was trying really hard not to doze off. For some weird reason, I'm scared I won't wake up. Hahha.

After the operation, I was wheeled outside and observed for 30 mins. They wrapped me up in blankets and asked if I was cold. Nope. But afterwards in my room at night, I did keep shivering though. Must be the aftereffects of the drug. 

My parents and Winnie were waiting in my room to see Lexie. She's the new princess at home.

I was bleeding heavily the entire night. No vomiting. Good news. That night was hell though.

There were a few births in the middle of the night so the nurses were mostly unavailable. And when nurses are unavailable and you're bleeding profusely, on IV drips, cannot move, have a catheter stuck inside you, and a crying baby, whom you insist on breastfeeding exclusively, it was hell.

Cs and I had no idea what we were doing or how to do it. But thank God one of the nurses helped me find a good breastfeeding position.

The next day, I had the drip and catheter taken out. Aahh much better. I remember the first pee took some effort. I had to go to the toilet 3 or 4 times to squeeze out some pee but after that it got better.

I was allowed to leave the hospital the very next day. They asked if I wanted to stay another night. Me and Cs: NO!!!

For some reason I was itching everywhere throughout my body and felt so dirty and icky. I showered immediately when I reached home. The wound hurt, yes. But the itchiness bothered me more then.

Btw, Doc took out my bandage before I checked out. Risked a peek and was pleasantly surprised: not a very long scar and very neat and clean. Hopefully it'll heal fast. (Right now, it doesn't look like that btw. It looks all yellow green bruised up and quite swollen). He sprayed on a water repellent thingy and I didn't have to put anything on it. I can take a shower like usual now (day 6) but on the 2nd or 3rd day, it still hurt when water touched it.

Also was pleasantly surprised to find that I could look down at myself. I mean, no big stomach in the way anymore hehe. Instead its now a wobbly jelly belly. Guess I have to wait some time before I can properly exercise and lose weight.

I only lost about 3 kg immediately after giving birth, to my surprise. Must be the water retention. I still keep waking up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. After some Googling, I realized this was normal. Just your body's way of getting rid of the water weight.

My days now consist of breastfeeding, pumping, eating, sleeping when she's sleeping, nursing some more, pumping some more, eating and drinking to keep up with her demands, and that's it. Day 6 already. I wrote this post over the past few days btw while she's sleeping. 

There's my little cutie: 

Most people say she has Cs' eyes. Confinement lady and his family thinks she looks like me though..we'll see in the following weeks. :)

Thursday, 28 August 2014

Movie Reviews

Contains spoilers.

Some movies I watched recently:

IMDb gave it a 6.3/10 rating. Yeah I kinda agree on that. It was okay. Some scenes were meant to be funny but turned out pretty meh. A lot of fighting and action scenes as usual. New team this time but they got captured so typically the old team came back. Plus one super annoying guy who talks too much - don't know what his role was in the movie except to annoy the hell out of everybody. Jet Li's cameo role was just that. Thought he would kick some asses cos that's his specialty isn't it? But he just did some shooting scenes. 

2) Lucy

IMDb gave it a 6.6/10 rating. I disagree. I give it a 5/10 and only because Scarlett Johansson's hot. Cs says the movie is like listening to a science lesson. Hahah a lot of explaining. I feel they wasted a lot of time in the end with those travelling through time space, showing the dinosaurs etc. Honestly, the trailer looked better than the movie. There were a lot of things throughout the movie that could be better explained like, why those Korean gangsters are so powerful and can shoot outright at the end? And the ending sucks la. So she died but she built a supercomputer beforehand (those black gore yuck) and the speech "I am Everywhere" wtf. After the movie ended, I see a lot of people standing up immediately. Unlike some movies, people stay in their seats anticipating the after credits. Guess that shows I'm not the only one who thinks it sucks. Ok maybe I give it a 4/10. 

IMDb gave it a 8.6/10 rating. Ok I agree with this rating. It was surprisingly good. I like Chris Patt's performance, Groot and even the raccoon. Even though after the movie, everyone kept imitating Groot saying, "I am Groot and We are Groot". Lol. I like his playlist btw (the songs). Oldies but good stuff. :D

IMDb gave it a 6.5/10. I give it a 4/10. I was so disappointed with this. I didn't want to watch the movie initially cos I didn't like Dwayne Johnson as Hercules simply cos he's too famous as the Rock or in Fast and Furious. I would prefer a less famous actor to act as Hercules. Secondly, it was disappointing because I thought the movie would focus more on his famous accomplishments, those labors but mehh it was glossed over. Overall plot was mehh. Don't like it. Disappointed.  

IMDb gave it a 6.1/10 rating. I give it a 5/10. It was ok la. Typical movie. Guy cheats on wife and girlfriend. So three of them meet up and plot a revenge. But ahh..if I was Leslie Mann's husband I would get sick of her too. Why do they make her sound so irritating? Girl movie la. Not for men. Cs watching it halfway in between Clash of Clans: (yawning) not finished yet? (yawn some more). Kinda boring.