Have faith

I have delayed writing this post for quite some time. Each time, i hope that ah boi will get better. He will. He must! But as each day passes, he just deteriorates further. At first, his hind/back legs were weak. Then slowly his two back legs...they were not working at all. He was just dragging himself forwards on his two front legs. The soles of his feet were very red and chafed. Asked the vet but they had no idea. Instead, they asked us: how did that happen? Sigh.


Mar 23 2006, when both eyes were still ok. His right eye has been glazed over for quite some time.

In the beginning: He could not climb up onto his favorite chair. He had difficulty climbing up and down the steps. At least he could still walk. He had to try once, twice, three times before he managed to climb up the steps.

Now, he can't walk. He drags himself around. He is short of breath. Panting and wheezing so much that he gave up eating bones. It takes too much energy to bite on his bones. He just looks like he is in pain. And I suspect he has chest pains too. He lies on the floor panting, kind of like asthma. Sometimes he just keeps gagging. Like something is choking him. And he can't breathe..


When he was still so fluffy. His fur has fallen out so much already. Like an old man, hair starts to fall. He used to love gnawing on bones. Now he pushes them out of the way cos he can't eat them anymore...

He used to walk around in circles around the house out of breath. We thought he was too fat. It is actually quite true. He is obese. But at least he was fine. When he had difficulty walking, we stopped giving him snacks. Made him go without. Forced him on a diet.


Ah boi is disgruntled in mum's arms.

But it doesn't make any of us happy, denying him food. Food is probably the only thing he loves. He sleeps more and more everyday. When he is awake, he struggles to get up now and drags himself on two front legs to get a drink of water, or to go to the back door where we normally open the door for him to pee. Struggles. Cos he goes two steps and falls onto the floor. At first, we thought he was stumbling a lot. Bumping into chairs, tables, closets and everything. Then he fell a lot. Then he just can't walk. Vet said he has arthritis.



He doesn't have the energy to drag himself. I suspect that he can hardly see or smell straight/right too. He cannot see the dinner I have brought him. He doesn't know that it is right there in front of him. It is so heartbreaking seeing him like this..


He used to have long fluffy curly fur/hair. Now he is almost bald.

Oh god. Don't do this to me.

Ah boi was born in this house (old house). Its his world, his life. When we tried to bring him to the new house, he was so scared. He just kept pacing around, demanding to be brought back home. To his home. He is about 15 years old this year. So old. Sigh. The vet doesn't even believe it when we told them our dog is that old. They were so skeptical. It wasn't until they examined ah boi properly that they believed us. Stupid. Why would we lie about his age???? Something to be proud of? Retards!

His situation is getting worse every day. We took him to the vet(s) again and again. They told us the same thing: there is nothing they can do. He is old. These are symptoms.

I don't want to believe them!!

It hurts to watch him like this. He can't walk properly. He relies on us completely now.

In the beginning, he lifted one leg to pee. Then it was standing on all fours. Now he lies down or stumbles around when peeing.

Bear in mind that this happened in two short weeks, at most. How did he get so bad, so fast??? And why is there nothing we can do? Nothing the doctors can do? So we just watch him like this?

We brought him for painkiller shots. Just in case he was in pain. Doctor asked if he still eats? Yes. He does. He eats. To which the vet said: good. that's good.

Its small comfort.



Mum voiced out that forbidden thought earlier this evening: putting him to sleep.

Every part of me wanted to scream NO NO NO NO NO!!!

But how could we go on like this? Watching him get worse and worse each day, while all we could do was stand by and watch?!!!

Screw whatever you're saying about us being inhumane.

When the time comes, we would do it. Put him out of his misery. God I can't. I just can't watch him like that. We have watched over him for 15 years. Ever since he was born, he has been with us. He is a part of the family.


A younger ah boi and a younger me...

I wish I wish I wish I wish I wish.....

The glass door

You know how in books or movies, they always say that before a tragedy/accident happens like a car crash or a serious fall etc..it all slows down. The spectators always say, (it felt to me) as if things happened in slow motion. I always thought of it as an exaggeration...

Cos I have been in a couple of car accidents before, and they don't happen in slow motion to me. One minute I was zoning out thinking of random stuff. No wonder accident lar. day dreaming wtf. Next second WHAM I felt a huge blow to my stomach! And the pain! But nothing in slow motion.

But earlier this evening. Watching dad slam head first into that glass door, watching that whole glass door shatter and break into a million pieces, watching the blood drip from dad's hands and legs, and dad just standing there in the midst of all that broken glass. That happened in slow motion to me.

I turned around and watched as dad said: I'll just bring this inside for you guys first. Then watched as he slammed into the door, which I could see was plainly closed. It felt in slow motion but I still had not shouted out a warning. A second later, I just watched in horror as all that glass shattered.


Only one side remains. I didn't take photos of the accident obviously.

Thank God dad is all right now.

I could barely recall myself repeating oh my god!! oh my god! Daddy!! Daddy! Daddy!! Steering him to the nearest chair and then gasping in horror. Pulling out the glass from his arms, hands, and legs. Luckily his head and face is all right. I always knew that dad is thick headed and thick skinned hehe kidding. Only some cuts on his chest, and mostly on his arms.

Sigh. He is all right now. That is all that matters.

Thank God.

P/S: I made this post sound light now cos dad is already all right. He was joking about it to his friends who asked: what happened to your hands/arms???

Dad (laughing): I was testing my glass door. See which is tougher/harder? My head or the door. Glass door won. wtf daddy!!!

3 more days

Not in the mood for a lot of words today. Not that I normally do.

So.

Photos of my life:

1) I made chocolate chip cookies! Winnie says and I quote: our chocolate chip cookies taste good ok. Like famous amos. We could sell these. Hahaa..Big words indeed. Winnie and I make them every year ever since we mum discovered the recipe!

Cookie batter.



End result. They are really easy to make. The hard thing is that they take too long to bake. The whole process took close to 5 hours. And we only came up with 2 and a half canisters.



2) I think I eat too much maggi mee.



This is Curry flavor maggi mee with 2 hot dogs. Its my typical Saturday lunch. Unhealthy? Cancer causing? But its delicious. How? Shit lar I don't want to die from cancer causing maggi mee. But its the only thing I can cook easy to cook. How?

3) Chinese new year is just around the corner. Sooo looking forward! No need to work for a whole week!! 3 more working days to go..happy..



4) The worst ever fried rice. I hate hate hate these pre-packaged vegetables with the frozen corn, carrots, and green peas. Nooo..who invented these? I mean, I just hate that package. The corn is tasteless and too hard, carrots are ok, green peas are the worst. Frozen, they just taste weird. ok lah I don't eat frozen peas even if they're fresh



The worst ever Taiwan special beef noodles. That is the name on the menu anyway:



Voila. Why does it suck, you ask? I tell you! The noodle soup is sweet. End. No seriously. Its sweet. Like they dumped several lumps of sugar inside the soup. I cant taste anything else except sweet.

Both came from the same shop. I forgot the shop name: its the new HK food shop at the Hills shopping mall. The shop deco is mostly green. (Cs said its called Wan Chai restaurant)

5) Let me try to distract you from yucky food. Had dessert the other day at err...forgot shop name too. Argh I suck! It is at Jalan Song. Same row as Starbucks Precint 88, opposite the church. It is good...


They serve mostly dessert, juices, and some light finger food. Such as sandwiches below this photo.



It's not expensive either. We also ordered some black pepper chicken wings. If that is the name. Forgot. Thought that how spicy could it be? Fuck! Its freaking spicy lor..ci piet. We both ended up with sore throats the next day. From the chicken wings. Seriously. No joke. Go try it if you dare. No photos. But they only have one chicken wing on the menu. You can't go wrong.



If I remember correctly, the chicken wing tastes good but the black pepper taste was soo..strong. One bite. Ohh...this is good. Juicy inside. Second bite..oh no...a bit spicy. 3rd bite. Got to stop. Drink some water. Fourth bite onwards....er...actually I could only take one piece. Hahhaa this applies to me only. I suck at spicy food. Cs practically forced himself to finish the whole plate. Gasping for breath. Both of us regretted it the next day..

Nite.

Check in pub

Almost forgotten about these photos: a bunch of us went to Check-in pub at Travillion. Its been some time since the whole group went clubbing together. Most of us have retired already. No lah. Actually, I'm just speaking for myself. I have retired wtf. Retired clubber. Retired party animal. Haha I definitely don't remember feeling this way back in Uni. Those days, I can party night after night till dawn. Down Vodka+Red Bull just keep myself awake to club till dawn. Shit. What has happened to me?

I think my age is catching up on me. Ahh anyway. Back to Sat night. I spent the whole of Saturday still moving house. Still lots of things to do. We were lugging bags and bags of kitchen ware, pots and pans, glasses, wine bottles etc back and forth at least 20 times. Then cleaning and arranging everything. Later at night, the family went out for dinner and chinese new year shopping. To top it off, I had diarrhea (how to spell) on that day itself. Some more the stupid unagi I had with rice for dinner was stale. It tasted weird. But I was starving so I finished it anyway hahaha stupid! Dad was going to order something else for me but too late it was gone in 2 minutes. So. That is why by 930pm at night, the only thing I wanted was to fall into bed. Energy finished. Instead, I forced myself to apply make up (its a freaking chore) and dress up to go drink myself silly.

I was bad company that night. Just stood by watching, drinking and hardly participating at all. Sorry!!!



Energy habis.



In Kuching, the ritual (for us anyway), after clubbing, we normally go to eat lok lok. Lok lok refers to various kinds of fried/steamed fishballs, meatballs, prawnballs, vege, chicken parts, cuttlefish etc on skewers/sticks. Many sauces are provided, normally something spicy.

But nowadays in Kuching pubs, people actually offer lok lok. Meaning some people walk around with trays selling lok lok. There is also a van parked outside some pubs, selling steaming hot lok lok. Nice. So here we bought lots of lok lok to eat in the club:



There were more but we finished some already. Some people were probably giving us weird looks. We met some foreigners, probably tourists there before and they snapped a photo of us eating lok lok. Is it weird? I suppose so. Eating while clubbing. Eating more than drinking.


The guys.

No idea what they are doing in this photo.

This photo is wrong. Cs is mine.


Ladies.

I have been to check in a few times, but this is the only time I saw the shufflers. Argh. Attention seekers. What I mean is, at check in, they have this tiny dance floor under very bright lights. I don't like the "dance floor" cos it is a platform, meaning you're one big step higher than everyone else. So that everyone else in the pub can see you dancing or shuffling.

Went to google shuffle dance and this came out. No idea that shuffle originated from Melbourne. Seriously?

Quote from wikipedia:

"....The Melbourne shuffle is a style of dance, that originated in the late 1980s in the Melbourne Underground music scene. The basic movements in the dance are a fast heel-and-toe action with a style suitable for various types of Electronic music. Some variants incorporate arm movements..."

Kuching versions definitely include hand/arm movements. They are normally good dancers or they won't go to the dance floor to show off their moves.

Some photos of dancing. None of shufflers though.


Frankie dancing.



Nana is clubbing deprived. Haha. She was the one who dragged me to the "dance floor". Looking back at the photos and videos taken that night then I realized that I looked so awkward dancing that night. And so haggard!!


Shit haggard!!



Nana got pulled up to dance on the table with a stranger. Some semi-drunk girl pulled her up. I think that same semi-drunk girl took off ah boon's shirt too.

And that's all I have to say about that. (Forrest Gump)

I am alive II

Finally!! We have internet at the new house HOME!


Unrelated photo. But see, I'm settling in..reading Sam's letters to Jennifer by James Patterson. (I think that is the title) Frowning at Kevin. Just like old times.

Bit by bit, as we move all our stuff in here, it really is starting to feel like home...I'm starting to learn to tell the light switches apart, get used to the new phone ring tone, and grown to love the very hot and strong water heater (so nice to shower in the morning now). Still have not learnt how to operate the TV satellite. No chance to watch TV yet.


Unrelated photo again. Pizza! Busy eating. No time for photos. Let the bf take the
photos!


Pizza is love!

OK. Short update done.

Good night.