I have found a new way to blog more often!
Step 1: open Drafts and select a pre-written/half written post that I wrote either months/years ago (no shit years ago!)
Step 2: edit a bit or not at all.
Step 3: POST!
So convenient. That was what I did for this post and the one below. This was definitely written more than a year ago.
You know how people give you all sorts of advice:
"Don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can't live without.." and etc..I can't think of anything more now.
Pre marriage jitters. They are starting. Sometimes in the car, out of the blue, I look over at Cs and think we're getting married. It seemed so far away. But here we are now. The night before.
And I thought I should try and assemble my thoughts tonight. My mind is all over the place. I'm just going to say whatever comes out from my mind now.
Its the little things he does.
He lets me wipe my nose on his sleeve. He brings me tissue paper all the time because I can't exist without tissues on hand. He won't let me run up/down the stairs, in the carpark or anywhere in fact, lest I fall/slip.
We finish each others sentences or thoughts more like. Ever since before, we have always been able to read each others minds. Simply speaking, we click. We are always on the same wavelength.
When we quarrel, of course we do, its mostly because of..wait let me think...
The first huge fight was at Tarot Cafe. In the car, he blew up and shouted at me. I compared him to another guy. (Ya, even typing it out I know its wrong).
After that, its mostly minor things due to impatience, stubborn, and unreasonable. Especially when things don't go according to plan especially when the both of us are tired, exhausted and very irritable.
I always get to choose where to go and what to eat. Because he lets me. Whatever mood I'm in.
Marriage is for life. Its much more than a wedding. That is just a day. Simple. Marriage is about two people living together, sharing, talking, laughing for the rest of our lives. It is about the little things. It is about every little thing in between from the moment you wake up till we fall asleep together at night.
People think that we have been together for very long, and are shocked when they realize it has only been 2 years. Or there are people who are shocked that we are getting married because it has only been 2 years. That day someone asked us how long have we known each other? When we replied 9 years, it was shocking to ourselves as well. No wonder we know each other so well, and communicate well.
As friends, I already felt that I knew him the best. I knew everything about him, minus the intimate parts. Even then, as friends, he said that I already knew 99% there is to know. What was that 1%? Actually, he couldn't even say - its just things that you have to find out in the future.
And boy did I ever. It turns out there are so many to that 1% that I didn't know about. But it felt good to know him inside out and to find that I love everything about him. Ok maybe not the absentminded-ness part. Oh God and I thought I was absent minded. He is SO MUCH WORSE THAN ME!
And I thought I was not organized! HE IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN ME! Haha. This is the part where Winnie and mum go: how is that even possible?!
Jokes aside. We are getting married tomorrow baby.
Of all the marriage advises, I like this one best:
[Before you get married, before your wedding day, make a primary decision to stick together. Remember that in order to love, you need to have an otherness mindset, you need to be forgiving, you need to extend grace, and both of you must have decided before the marriage that divorce is not an option……..love is a choice, an action, a commitment, love always perseveres.]
So one fine night in front of the tv, I sat him down and we made a promise. That we will never mention divorce or separation. No matter how angry or upset we are at each other, when we wake up the next day, we will be fine again. No divorce. Pinky swear.
I have to be glass half full right now. We will make it work.
And I suppose that I can use a daily reminder of this, so here it is:
[Learn to be in control of yourself and your emotions, do not allow your emotions to control you. When your emotions are in control of you, you are far more likely to do stupid things and say harmful things that will damage your relationship. Anger is a emotional characteristic, you can be in control of yourself and your anger, if you are not it is because you choose not to be in control.]
If there is anything I know about myself, it is how I let my emotions go out of my own control. Bad EQ is what mum always tells me.
When we were friends, I always thought we had many things in common. God we always laugh at the same silly jokes. Now as lovers/boy-girl friend, I realized we are ten times worse. We laugh ourselves crazy in the car, at home playing with each other. I realize it has gotten a little too far sometimes when we have to tell each other to stop. Stop, its time to rest.
What do we talk and laugh about anyway? I don't know. A few examples would be: we sing songs to each other and make up a few lyrics ourselves. He imitates others to make me laugh. Their accent and their personality. (I'm sorry it sounds bad but come on its a joke). A laugh that's it. If it continues to make us laugh, I'm not complaining. And I can't think of anything else now.
Sometimes he comes to look for me on weekdays during my lunch hour. As soon as I get into the car, he cheers me up just asking me how is my day so far listening, letting me eat mee goreng in the car, and then bringing me to Crown Square/Sarawak Plaza, the Hills or anywhere I want to go, just so I can walk for an hour.
We walk up and down the shopping center so I don't have to sit in the car. When we walk, we talk and laugh. By 130pm when he sends me back to the office, I feel totally refreshed again, ready to face anything. I walk out of the car with a smile on my face.
That is how it is all the time.
I suppose what I'm doing now is..I'm trying to list down his pros and cons in my head. And I ended up with this.
I can't think of any reason not to marry you. I can't think of any reason to have pre wedding jitters.
This is for you.