ITS MY LIFE. I'LL DO WHAT I WANT: 23 weeks update

Wrote this post about 2 weeks back but forgot to post. Posting now after some editing.

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So I went for a scan today. Wasn't due for one till next week actually but I have sore throat and tonsilitis. Didn't seem like manuka honey and gargling with listerine will cure it this time. So, off to Dr Nicholas we went. He gave me some antibiotics. All is well now.

I asked more questions today. At the past few appointments, I have been quite quiet. It seems like I get most of my answers from Babycenter and the internet. Plus it seemed to early to ask about epidural and labour charges yet.

I did ask about the glucose test this time though. Shirley and Nifer both told me they had it and when I said doc never mentioned for me ler. They said I should get it. So I asked about it. Doc said that for the glucose test, you normally have a few symptoms. 1) Asian (according to WHO or something); 2) body weight 3) urine test 4) blood test results.

Anyway long story short, he didn't ask me to get the glucose test yet. We shall see. I've been inhaling all desserts/sweets/juices within my sight for the past 1 or 2 weeks. Scared. Scared of diabetes. Scared of weight gain but I can't seem to stop myself. =.=

Just last night before dinner, I turned to Cs and said: I want cola! Made him drive out to buy me a can. He forgot to bring his wallet!! So he had to run back to the car to dig for coins. Zzz not my fault ah. But yea..a bit guilty.

Back to topic. Nifer mentioned that her due date is on 30 Aug. She's afraid if 31 Aug (public holiday), it'll cost double. I didn't know about that so asked doctor today too. He said for normal birth - normal price. Ceasarean - yes to pay the staff to come in. So it'll cost about RM 300-500 more for the total procedure.

I asked under what circumstances will I have to have an emergency C-section? He said if baby is in distress, poops inside me after the water bag bursts, I start bleeding, or contractions and very underway and my cervix is not opening. Reason why its not opening might be because of the way baby is facing. Or is in breech position. All of these are reasons.

So we went for the scan.

Good news first.

1) Baby girl finally showed us her face today. Yes, she's shy and very active. Forever hiding from us. Lifting her arm over her face, moving about. First thing we all noticed was how high/sharp her nose was. I noted that it looks fake. Hahah of all the things to say. Doc says she has the highest nose he has ever seen in babies. Cs and I were squeezing each other's hands trying not to look too proud or happy. Heheh. Doc took a look at us both and said: she looks like you (me!). And when I thought my smile couldn't be any more wider, he said: she's going to be a pretty girl! :DDD Obviously he probably said that to all parents la but still its nice to hear for the first time. Touch wood cos I'm superstitious now.

2) Baby girl is very active moving around happily. Since I could feel her moves/squirms/rolls/kicks now, I could feel her movement as we watched her on screen. Quite surreal. Especially in 3D/4D. I see her moving on screen and at the same time I could feel her moving inside me. She's growing well...her weight and measurements are all good.

Bad news.

1) Placenta hasn't shifted up yet. I asked doc for comparison images with last month's scan. It looks exactly the same le sigh. Its covering my cervix entrance/exit which means that I can't give birth naturally for now. Assuming the placenta doesn't move by the time I go into labour, I have to have a C-section. Under normal circumstances, a C-section isn't that big a deal. Still a surgery but fairly common.

But according to Doc, I'm not a normal circumstance. If he performs the surgery, he has to cut into the placenta (to get to the baby), which would cause bleeding. Placenta is her lifeline - she gets nutrients and oxygen through my placenta. Cutting it would mean alot of bleeding, which would harm both of us. Too much bleeding and blood transfusion might mean that I could not even give birth at BMC. Have to go to GH to give birth. Argh.. hate this.

I'm trying not to worry so much yet because the placenta still has time to move up. I'm 23 weeks now. I have plenty of time for my belly to grow bigger, and hopefully it'll shift the placenta up a little bit. Just 2-3 cm is fine. And natural birth here we go.

I asked doc what is going to happen if choi choi choi I go into early labour and my placenta hasn't moved up, he said he's going to explain everything and provide me with all the details when the time comes. If baby is below 2 kg, I have to go to GH anyway. No point cos no incubator in BMC. FU please. Why not?

Sorry but I'm angry every time I think of this. Why are the hospitals not better equipped yet? Why?

Anyway. I'm trying not to worry too much now or wallow in self pity. For now, one step at a time.

Its ok for me mostly. I have a feeling I'll still be fine. I'll survive. But on bad days, and seeing the worry on Cs' face, it throws me a lil bit I admit. Then I'll be thinking: why don't I get to be normal like some women? Why some women so lucky? Mehh..I don't even like thinking this way. Self pity. Not nice.

I'm plenty lucky and blessed already. This is just a hiccup along the way.