Yes, I have crossed over to the other side. I kid. Heheh.
I have been keeping a diary (sort of) since I found out and here are some of the entries. I didn't want to announce till after 3 months - and this is only on my blog, where I know full well that not many people read. Especially people who know me in real life. :) With other people, eh, maybe I'll just bring him/her out and introduce: nah this is my son/daughter AFTER I lost all pregnancy weight. Haha.
Its more or less sunk in now. Pregnancy. I'm growing a tiny human. My body is no longer my own. Wow.
Its been an interesting past few months. Let me start at the beginning. Cs and I have been talking about trying to get pregnant for a while now but at the same time we are still booking air tickets to go to Japan. So at the same time, we wanted to try to have a baby but didn't want to waste air tickets. So not counted la. I guess we only properly tried after we came back from Japan.
For about 2 weeks we went for it. And that's it. Period didn't come that month wtf. Why so easy one? I guess its good news cos this means both our equipment are working fine. Hahah.
I suspected I was pregnant before I took the test actually because of sore boobs. Not just sore, my nipple was tingling. Urgh not fun. It was so painful. Never before like this before period. My period was normally quite on time but I decided to take a Watson's test kit about 2 days before it came cos I suspected I might be pregnant and I was fed up with waiting. Sore boobs remember? Negative. One line.
Because I'm so impatient, I couldn't wait. On the day my period was due, I took a pregnancy test again. This time, I used Clearblue. I was fully expecting a Not Pregnant again. I peed on the thing and went to brush my teeth. Cs was in the bathroom with me and we were still kidding around like usual. When we turned over to check the stick, both of us went silent. I sort of yelped: OMG!!!! He just stared at the stick unmoving.
Despite suspecting that I was pregnant, seeing the proof was still a huge shock ok. Both of us just stared at the stick unmoving. Then, he gave a huge smile and hugged me a long time.
It was a working day still but I was in shock the whole day. Couldn't make my mind focus on anything. Couldn't concentrate.
Ever since I found out, I've been reading up a storm trying to absorb as much information as I can. There's so much to learn..and so many new terms. And so many changes to my body. More on this later.
A week later, I took another test. You know, just in case that test was faulty. Very chun ok. Not faulty at all.
So that's how we found out. Doctor confirmed it and voila the waiting game begins.
26 Dec 2013
I slept before 12. I must be only 4 -5 weeks only but I'm sleeping like a pig already. Tired so often. My day looks like this: wake up at 10 am. Eat, hang out with Cs. 2 pm - sleepy. Fight sleep. Finally sleep at 3 - 6 pm. Wake up. Eat, hang out. 10 pm - I'm so sleepy. Cs was like: is this how we are going to spend the next 9 months? In bed? Hahahha. I want him close to me, and he wants to hug me while I sleep. So, more often than not, he falls asleep with me. Just yesterday he told me: I have never slept this much before. Heheh.
Its 1:30 pm in the office and I'm trying not to nod off now. Damn.
Just realized I chose a perfect time to fall pregnant. The end of the year season where the normal me would be partying, drinking and out having fun. I foresee more questions tomorrow night - the big family gathering: why aren't you drinking Amy? Gotta think of some lie. And NYE is just next week - gotta think of another lie. Never knew lying would be so stressful.
In case you're wondering why I don't tell anyone yet besides my own family - its because I plan to only mention when I absolutely have to after 3 months - when the risk of miscarriage is lower.
***
Morning sickness? For me, its the hunger I can't stand. From the moment i open my eyes, or sometimes in the middle of the night, I can't fall asleep or wake up too hungry so I have to grab some biscuits from the bed side to munch with my eyes closed. Damn gross but no choice.
My baby is hungry. Seriously I have never eaten so much in my life ever! I now eat supper every night so I don't wake up in the middle of the night or in the morning with gastric pains. No fun. With gastric, comes the vomity feeling and dizziness. I learned the hard way that this is all brought on by hunger. As long as I stuff food into my mouth, my stomach and baby is happy.
Its especially bad if I eat something the baby doesn't like. Like beef noodles. I had a bowl of beef noodles for lunch one day. Finished the whole thing and immediately felt like throwing up in the bowl in the restaurant. Held it in but I could feel my face heating up, my nausea killing me, and so dizzy I couldn't walk straight. I had to go back to the office after that. Sat on the toilet bowl trying not to cry out and psyching my baby into accepting the food. Didn't work so I took mc the rest of the day.
I have since found out quite a few things that baby doesn't like. This is not good cos I'm not very adventurous with my meals. I eat the same things most of the time just to be same. Not worth all the suffering.
What else? Cravings?
I don't really have any cravings beside cold and sweet food i.e. cola. Shit this is bad. I'm trying not to drink so much coke or eat too much chocolates. I don't like ice cream though. Weird. Had a magnum the other day. I liked it. Baby didn't. So again, all those nausea, dizzy and vomity feeling.
I have quite a few food aversions. I used to love mum's mushroom soup, pumpkin soup, and whatever soup. I'll drink it. Now, I smell her mushroom soup and push it away from me. Don't like it.
****
On Christmas eve, I had to lie to everyone: I'm not feeling well, stomach ache, no, I don't have any plans.
Winnie knows me best: But its just not like you !! You have no plans? Really? Why? Let's go Havana then.
Dad called me at about 11 pm: where are you? Come to Rajang Bar.
Me: err..I'm at home. I'm not feeling well..
Dad: HAR??! Why??
Me: I have a bad stomach ache. I'm not going la. You guys enjoy.
The most frequently asked question so far is:
Do you miss drinking?
I don't blame people for thinking that way about me la. I'm such an alcoholic. I know that. But, honestly, no. I don't miss alcohol. It was way easier than I thought. I don't crave an ice cold beer. I want an ice cold coke. Hahha. In the beginning, it was a bit weird. Saturday night - hmmm..what to do besides drinking ah? Go to Spring? Then? Go home.
I miss my salmon sushi more. Sigh. This I really miss. I miss Japanese food!! I want!!! Grrr... I went to Sushi King once and had none of those raw food. Stuck to plain old cooked food. Turns out baby didn't like Sushi King food cos I felt bad immediately after. So this is not an option. Boo.
****
Tuesday: 31 Dec 2012
Cs is treating me like I'm as fragile as glass.
Don't exercise too long. Go sit down. I'll open the door. Don't kick your legs so hard. Don't walk so fast.
The night before I had stomach ache/cramps. Quite bad and Cs rubbed the minyak kapak on my stomach.
The following morning in the office, I noticed I had some light spotting when I peed. I stared at the blood a while trying to get my head around it. I knew from
babycenter that this was normal. I mentioned this
casually to Cs, who got worried immediately. Haih. Worry wart.
So we changed our appointment from Thursday to Tuesday 2 pm. When I mentioned that I was bleeding, the doc says its NOT normal! Couldn’t find anything during the ultrasound so she got me to empty my
bladder and go in through the vagina again. Found it finally! A tiny spot. Phew no worries then. Apparently everything is normal.
Friday 10 January 2014
My appetite has changed a bit. Not too much. I had a slice of cake and didn't really like it. The other day, I had one spoonful of broccoli and yuck no more. I love vegetables and cake okay! This is Cs’ genes
inside me making me hate healthy food. Is this how he feels like? Jeez.
I’m having more symptoms. I cannot be hungry at all. When hungry, everything strikes: dizziness, nausea, gastric. Bleh. No fun. So yes, I’m eating a lot. Very frequently – it seems that in the office I’m always
munching on something. Thank God I like almonds and raisins – healthy food. Love cereals too. I try to steer clear of potato chips and chocolate. Haven’t touched any yet – willpower still damn strong. Can’t say the same for Mcd though. Trying to cut down on biscuits. Maybe I should buy a lot of bananas to
put in the office. Think I’ll get a lot of stares. Hahah.
After work yesterday, I kept thinking of chicken nuggets. Cs lets me have everything I want. He used to spoil me before but now…he would move mountains to get me a bowl of ramen. I’m spoiled rotten. How can I not love him? This is the hormones talking. Not me.
Forgot to mention. This week, I noticed myself looking paler than usual. White face. I have always been fair but I think I look ghostly. Asked Cs and Winnie, both said no. Ahh anyway Cs went to buy some supplements and birds nest for me.
Did I mention I love my husband?
Wednesday 23 Jan 2014
No matter what I eat, a whole full meal or what, 2 hours later without fail, my stomach rumbles. If I don’t eat something, I get dizzy, gastric and nauseous. I have reached my limit!! At times, when I’m busy working
in the office, I go: FUCK U!!! Then immediately I apologize. Sorry baby. You’re just trying to grow. But mummy cannot eat so much la. Omg. What else to eat?!!!
Went to BMC in the evening for a check up. Yay baby has a heartbeat. Cs is soo happy. More so than me. I’m happy too la but mostly feeling weird: like wow there’s something in my belly. All this that I’m going through now is for him/her.
P/S: I feel like such a glutton in the office. Ehh eating every 2 hours ok!! Not announcing the pregnancy is hard. I feel like such a pig. Argh!
Thursday 23 January 2014
I’m afraid of stepping on the scale. Trying to cut down carbs. I need to buy more fruits to eat in the office to tide me over when the rumbling starts. My jeans are getting tight. Scaring me too. Argh.
Cs went: I buy you new jeans tomorrow ok?
Me: No! You can’t make me! I’m not going.
Cs: Be reasonable baby. I buy nice, pretty ones for you.
Me: (walking out of the room) see how you make me. Hmph. I
won’t try it on.
Sincerely,
Very unreasonable wife talking.
Postnote: as of today, I have succumbed. I do need bigger clothes now. Went shopping just today after work but found nothing. I need new skirts. My old ones are tight around the waist. I need to either pull it way down or way up. Either way looks hideous. So yea I need new ones. Normally after lunch, I'll have one hand tugging on my waistband to try to loosen them. Sigh not an option. I'll only get bigger. So yea, shopping time. Not looking forward to shifting through the L sizes though. :(
And yes, I'm vain. Sue me.
Monday March 3 2014. Today.
My nausea happens less and less. Dizziness still occurs but mostly when I'm hungry so I just stuff food into myself. I have not gained weight yet but the articles all say that most pregnant don't gain in the first 3 months so I guess I'm normal. Just let nature take its course for now.
Oh yea apparently pimples are one of those pregnancy symptoms too. I had an outbreak of pimples (this is still ongoing). Some big ones but mostly small ones on my face. Whenever I wash my face, I can feel all the bumps. Grr..hormones.
The latest symptom as of today is headaches. Had two very bad headaches last week, and one last night. I mentioned on my Dayre already so no need to repeat. Moving on.
On the bright side, I have a lot of things and people to be thankful for:
1) My boobs are bigger now. So satisfying looking in the mirror. Hahaha Cs is very happy about this. Typical. I'm still a 34B but my bra is feeling snug. Can't wait to buy new bras! But unfortunately still sore as hell. Its so bad that at night when Cs pulls the blanket over to his side, I have to cover my boobs so it doesn't glide (is that the word?) over my tits. Get what I mean? Cannot stand to be touched at all! You know the feeling before period when your boobs hurt? Mine hurt 10x more now and every single day!
2) Awesome parents and parents in-laws. Both my mum and his mum are cooking nutritious chicken soups for me. I know, I'm so lucky. My parents would cook me anything I want and dad always tapau breakfast on Sunday's for me now. But I suspect this is because they are afraid I'll eat maggi mee. Heheh. He calls me in the morning to ask what I want first and list out the food at the kopitiam. Lucky, I know.
When we were in Taiwan, I had a lot of good and bad days. Urgh but his family were very understanding. His dad tapau-ed breakfast for us every morning! Soya bean milk for the pregnant woman and healthy sandwich or pau or anything for us. They wouldn't let me carry heavy stuff at all and let me have the best seats in the car etc.
3) Winnie did my nails for me too cos I can't do my own nail polish anymore. Haih. Thanks yao. And sorry I'm so bitchy these days but its the hormones! Not abusing. Truth. Hahah.
This photo was taken on a bad day. I had a sandwich that morning with meat floss. Turns out baby don't like meat floss so I was already dizzy and nauseous. I was debating whether to go with them or stay in the hotel by myself. In the end, we went with his family to Jiufen, Shifen and where else? Forgot by now. I took my anti nausea pill in the car and slept so much. Black face the whole day but thank God his family didn't mind. =.=
4) Awesome friends. Shirley is being super supportive pouring all sorts of information to me. She just gave birth and is the best source of information now. I get to ask her how all the intimate questions I can't ask anyone else. Hahah.
Oh yea, Nifer is pregnant too! She's one week ahead of me only! Is this fate or what?! Our three kids will be the same age this year!! Sooo excited. Only thing better than being pregnant is being pregnant at the same time as your best friends! We get to share information and talk among ourselves and we all get each other! I'm the noob cos Nifer already has a son. This is her second. In a way its good cos I get to ask all the questions. :)
5) Most of all, thank you God for Cs. Thank you, baby for your never ending patience with me. I get cranky, upset and throw tantrums very frequently these days (hormones!!) but he's just lets me have my way all the time. Headache? He'll massage my head, my neck, shoulders and back while he's at it. And not just when I have headaches. Anytime.
Sleepy? Come I hug you to sleep. Hungry? What do you want? I go tapau for you. I try not to take advantage of his kindness and patience and I always apologize afterwards. Sometimes immediately afterwards. I snap something bitchy at him and immediately I go: tui pu qi (I'm sorry). And cry! WTF.
I definitely married the right guy. No one else can tolerate me at this time. Hahha.
He even brought me to Damai to cheer me up. Yes, the Damai trip was for me. Not particularly cos it was Valentines. Heheh.
Oh yea, I took some progress pics for remembrance!
My waist is definitely thicker now and there's a permanent bulge on my lower abdomen. I don't know if its baby bump or just a result of eating so much. Hahah. If its any consolation, I'm surprised I didn't gain weight yet. Hmm..I guess baby really is absorbing everything. My food, my blood, my memories. Haha I'm starting to have memory loss. Baby brain.
I'm feeling extremely blessed and lucky to have people around me who care. At times though, I feel slightly overwhelmed and scared. Very scared. Like, what kind of parent would I be like? How do I teach him/her when I'm not a good person myself?
My solution to every naughty kid seems to be to slap the hell out of him/her. Especially those outside. Hahha no la no la. Kidding. Its a good thing I'm living in Malaysia, not U.K. Hahha. My neighbors would be calling Social Services everyday.
But yeah. I'm scared and nervous. Don't know how to be a (gulp) mum.
Wish me luck.
I'll be updating more often now that the secret is out of the bag. Actually some people already know but oh wells. This is for me. :)
