Man vs Woman

I just finished watching the Notebook with cs. Finally managed to persuade him to watch the movie with me. I know its a chick flick but it is also fucking touching ok.

I remember I cried like shit the first time I watched it, and I want to know if I will still cry like shit watching it the second time. With cs no less.

Sigh. Of cos I did. Cried even more only. So embarrassing. Ahh. It was quite interesting to get a guy's point of view when watching the Notebook.

For those who have never heard of this movie or book before, please read here and here.

According to cs, he hated Allie at the part where she went back to Noah, made love to him, still happy and everything, and totally forgot about her fiance back home.

Of course I can understand why he would think that way, but at least it was a happy ending for Allie and Noah. Too bad for Long (how to spell) though. And Martha as well. Poor girl.



I still bawled my eyes out at the end when they both passed away. And cs, while attempting to explain why he hates Allie, he just had to tell me to please try and imagine if it was him.

Told me to imagine and pretend that he (cs) is in Allie's shoes. That while I trust him with everything, he ran away to make love to another girl, and forgot all about me etc. $#%^& Cs is trying my patience, testing my love for him eh.

Only made me bawl all the more wtf if I have swollen eyes tomorrow its all his fault! Hahaha why I cry so much?! God I'm such a softie. Since when did I turn into this...this..this..cry baby!


Couldn't find a photo of me crying - thank God haha so this will have to do. :D Damn vain, I know..

*****

Ok lah time to change topic. I shy. Damn embarrassing and I am broadcasting it haih. I have changed.

I know what will sober me up now. Thinking of work tomorrow. It is another Monday. Monday blues. Bah. I won't think about it till tomorrow morning when my alarm clock rings.

I still have a few more hours of freedom. No thinking of work - dead depressing. Sure to bring my mood down no matter what! :D Haha kidding.

I love my job *big fake smile. I love staring at the computer and printouts 8 hours a day. *big fake plastic smile. I love TJ! *wipes tears from eye.

Tears of depression. Hahaa. I will regret writing this tomorrow. But for now, who cares! It is still Sunday and I should really set my blog to private so nobody can read this. :)

Emo songs and emo mi

I am feeling emo right now (time of the month when I wish I was a guy Grr!) So. It is a good night for Grey's Anatomy reruns and random songs that I recently came across.

Halfway through Season 4 just now, I realized that the song sounded familiar. I knew I heard it somewhere before. In Bride Wars! I had no idea who sang it, or what the title is, but behold the power of google and youtube! Haha.

Dream by Priscilla Anh. ♥ her voice soo much! I want to sing like her! Awesome!



But in my emo mode now, I still prefer Ivy - Edge of the Ocean. Please do watch this here. Part of an episode from Season 1 of Grey's Anatomy.


Wait for it to load while you read on.

Derek went to look for Meredith at her house. There is a party going on at her house so she is dancing outside, with a bottle of tequila. The party was organized by Izzie, who wanted to introduce her bf to her friends (who work at the hospital), but she herself didn't make it home that night.

I think I watch too much Grey's Anatomy - I can remember exactly what is going to happen next, and almost the exact word that they say to each other. Aside from medical terms lah come on.

Ahh I don't really know why do I like Grey's Anatomy so much? People tend to think that they series is about doctors, a lot of medical terms etc, but its not that hard to understand with subtitles. Plus there is a lot of drama. I like Season 1, 2, 3 and 5. Not 4. 4 is emo and depressing and people in there are stupid. Like Derek - why did he go fuck Rose? Haha.

Back to emo songs:


Kate Havnevik - Grace

Is it me or does the song sounds damn erotic somehow? Hmm..maybe I associate it with Derek and Meredith having sex at the end of Season 2.

Haha ehh ehh disclaimer a bit. Grey's Anatomy is not full of sex lah. I just make it sound that way cos its more interesting to focus on those scenes right? Admit it people! :))

Writing about this is making me less emo after all..



Vain photo of self, just because. OK I have to start to sort my KL photos soon. Tomorrow lahh when my abdomen hurts less...:(

If You Leave Me Now - Chicago

Song of the day:



♥ this song! I think I must be 70 at heart. Isn't this song from the 70s?

But ahhh so sweet the taste of love..

Sweet dreams people~

1.5 years

Haha! Stupid title.

Tonight, I actually wanted to write something err lovey dovey and romantic. Something along those lines anyway. For no particular reason. Its the period/silly hormones that is making me cheesy and emo.

Then, I realized oh hell. We passed by six months without either of us mentioning our anniversary!



Cs and I, we both don't remind each other about our anniversary. You know, some people *cough*Winnie*cough* remember the dates every month. Cs and I forget every single time. I think its because, to us, there are other more important things to do/worry about every day. Also, it could be because we see each other at least 2 times every day, and we have too much to talk about everyday.

We talk about everything. I tell him about my day at work, colleagues and boss, my family and friends, while he tells me about what he did at work, who called him, who came to look for him, which school he went to. Everything. Then we provide comments and criticisms, or sympathize, then joke, laugh, and sing together every day.

Sure, we also quarrel like any other couple. I get impatient and irritable when I am tired. He is more short tempered and quiet when hungry.



When one person is angry (mostly me. Sorry baby), the other will, depending on the situation, be quiet, make me smile, sayang me back, tease me, or when all else fails, lapse into irritable silence as well.



When he gets angry at me, I normally forget my anger and sayang him back. Unluckily for me, he does not get over his anger as easily as me, but he is seldom angry at me la..

We did not start with "love at first sight". In fact, both of us were already taken when we met each other in college! He sat behind me in class 301.

Looking back now, it was a good thing we were taken eh? Or we would not have talked like we did and got to know each other so well. Ever since we met, we clicked in a way none of our friends could understand.



We talked on msn all the time about everything. Even then, we had so much to share. We were genuinely interested in each other.

We sat outside my house till past midnight talking about our high school days. All the silly, happy and unhappy things that happened. What we did at school, our hobbies, our families, our love problems, everything. It was so easy for me to spill everything to him and vice versa.

People ask now, why did it take so long for you guys to be together then?



When we were friends, we already told each other everything. And I mean everything. Including all the low down scandalous juicy stuff that happened in the past.

We even said that there was no way we could be together since we know each others deepest darkest secrets. Haha. Yea right. Swallowing our words.

But I am glad we were friends first. If we were lovers first, he probably would not have told me everything for fear that I would not accept him or something silly like that. Vice versa too. Heh heh.

We were friends first, and I trust him completely now.

So how did we suddenly get together? Even my family members were shocked/surprised when they realized we were together. I don't know how they knew though. Do we act differently from when we were friends and when we transition to a couple? Haha.

This is where it gets steamy.



Since we were best friends, we go out all the time. He brought me out with his group of friends to club, to drink, to eat. As friends. But we are also both newly single. We are both human. With raging hormones feelings. Haha!

What did you expect? Best friends with benefits!



One thing led to another. They call it happy drinks for a reason. For a very obvious reason.

Actually we have asked this question ourselves, but seriously we forgot la.

How did we get together? More specifically, which night did we do it? Haha! Was it after that night that we kissed? Or did it start in the car? In your room? Which night was it? Did it start with that drinking game? Or was it the night you came to my house?

When did we even start kissing? Just a peck on the lips first or did it go straight to tongues? Did you plan this? Purposely arranged this setting to seduce me?! Haha.



Ahh forget it. We are a couple lar wtf!

I think that is why dates are not important to us. It does not matter if we have been together for one year, or one and a half years and counting actually..



We get to spend every day together, we get to laugh together everyday, and I am very contented and happy! That is enough. If I can be with him everyday, that is enough.

I came across this old chinese song the other day. So romantic. Wait till I find it in youtube then I share it here.

Basically its saying:

The most romantic thing I can think of is to grow old with you...

Aww...isn't that the most romantic thing ever?

I don't need diamonds and gifts. I just want to grow old with you..If I can be with you everyday, and we can still be like this, that is enough. Love me~

P/S: I bet cs would be surprised to read this post. He would have forgotten about our anniversary as well, right baby?

Btw we got together on the 28th. (we said) So technically I am still late.

Good and bad

Today I had McD for lunch with cs. Why McD? Cos the weather was too hot to go anywhere else further. Cos McD is offering Big Mac, McChicken, Spicy Chicken, and Fillet Fish Medium Meals for only $5.50. Freaking cheap. Of course the place is crowded. Also, cs chose McD today cos he found a nice shady parking spot. So McD it is. After McD, walking back to Popular bookstore at Tun Jugah, he turned to me and said: I haven't bought you anything in a long time. Choose a book and I'll buy it for you. (to my delight!!)

I chose Eclipse (the 3rd of the Twilight trilogy) even though I hate hate hate Bella in the 2nd book. Winnie gave me a spoiler and said Bella died. Damn. I wanna know why Bella died, and how. SO, I gave in and got the book (I'm such a geek).

I read a book years ago, that a kid used to say out the good and bad things of his day every night to his mum. I like it. I shall plagiarize it today.

My good part today is written above.

The bad part: .................is knowing I've disappointed people I love again. How do I please everyone?


Take me away..

CS

Baby, we've been best friends for so long. We met together back in college. Room 301 to be exact. Back then, we had a lot of the same classes together, and hung out in the same group of friends. We always had a lot of things to talk about. The same stupid jokes that we would find funny, but no one else thinks so. We would invent our own games in class, and our group of friends all think we're weird or childish. But we think its hilarious and still laugh about it till today. (why?)



Both of us were in relationships at the time, but we were still close. Talking all the time. Even during college days, you used to come to my house and chat outside my house till past midnight. At home, we had so much to talk about in msn. Even my parents thought it was weird. The thing was, we were best friends back then. I thought I knew you so well. I know what you like, what type of situations you avoid, and what you like to do.



But now that we are a couple then I know that there are still so much to learn about each other. I have trouble putting into words how I feel about us now. At times, I think we're best friends. Its weird that I can think like that and lean over to kiss you. I would be with you drinking in a pub talking like we used to. And the feeling suddenly strikes me. We're together now. You are my bf now. The difference now is that I hold your hand while talking. You have your hand on my waist and you rarely leave my side. We still talk like before, still laugh together but its even better than before..

Sometimes talking with you now, I wonder how come I didn't see it before? How come I have denied us for so long? And do you feel the same way?



That night, after dinner we went to Hock Lee. We stood in front of a banner, which showed a shop called "Pizza and more". I said ehh..where is this? He said..ehh..looks familiar. After a few seconds:

At the same time, we both said: Ohhh.......
Then, simultaneously: nehhhh........
Then, we nodded at each other and walked away.

And started laughing thinking how weird it would be if other people looking at us, how they would think we're weird. It hit me that we both do that a lot. We don't have to say everything. I know exactly what he is thinking, and he knows what I'm thinking, and that we are both right. Am I making sense here?



Before, I always thought that we are too alike. it would be weird being in a relationship. Shirley once told me, very confidently: you will end up with cs in the future. Equally confident, I told her no. Impossible. Exactly what I said to many other people like Shirley. People who ask why are we not together? I say cos it will feel weird. When people ask cs, he says they same thing..



Baby, I like that we can make each other laugh all the time. We are so comfortable with each other, and I can do anything with you. I can talk all night with you, play badminton with you, watch you race in your car, go to work with you (literally), join you and your friends, cook with you, and go to bed with you. And no matter what it is we're doing, we are so comfortable. We are like best friends, but more. I love that part. I love that we can do everything together, and yet I can kiss u, hug u, play with you.. I guess that's the difference when I'm with you..



Our friends ask us, how come we seem to have never enough time together? They see us laughing and teasing and playing with each other all the time. My mum tells me: you have plenty of time in the future with cs. Take things slow.



With you, I feel so loved, and so lucky. You are not only caring, sweet, loving and protective towards me. You make me feel you care about me more than about yourself. You always put me first before anything else.



People might think we are in the honeymoon period right now since we just got together a few months ago. But I have a feeling that this will last. That we will continue to share everything. That we will not run out of things to talk about, and laugh about. We will continue to make each other laugh. Speaking of making each other laugh, we decided on something silly the other day. We got together rather unofficially last year. We spent some much time together that we can't remember how we got together, so we don't have an official anniversary date.

So, to make things easier we both decided to choose a date that sounds nice or has a special meaning for us. Quite cincai for both of us but we were both satisfied with it. =)


The other day talking on the phone with cs, winnie came and overheard our conversation. She said why are u two talking in codes?? Its actually not codes but the both of us have been so comfortable and so close to each other that we invented our own words. And share the same stupid inside jokes...

I saw this in Timothy Tiah's blog, and went to google the author. I like it:

There's Only One Person by Keely Chace

Are there other couples like us?
In some city a thousand miles away,
are there two best friends who happen to be in love?
My mind wanders to that question now and then,
but never far enough to ever believe
that someone like you could be found anywhere else in the world.
Because I know there's only one person who's so much fun,
so easy to love, and so completely amazing.
And I'm the one lucky enough to have you.

I know you would love this too right?

I have a lot more things to tell you and share with you but I have difficulty trying to explain to you. I know you love me. I do appreciate every little thing you do. How you always go the extra mile to do something for me.

That day your car tire had some problem and you had to go to the mechanic immediately. It was already 6pm. Time for you to pick me up from work. I called you. You said you are coming. But en route to Tun Jugah, you were blocked by the police. Five of them this time. Not so easy to get out of, especially when you had an empty wallet having paid the mechanic all your money. You were more than an hour late to pick me up. After explaining everything, you kept apologizing and telling me how sorry you are to pick me up.

How could I be angry at you when you only cared about coming to get me as soon as possible. You ignored your car ticket, you ignored your car and everything else just as long as I wasn't angry at you. Even after the exceptionally horrible day you had, you still said: I don't care about everything else. As long as I have you. Everything is fine. I don't care about the rest..

The thing is baby you always do that. You always make sure I'm happy. Like you don't care what happens to you..

I know baby. I love you too. I'm so lucky to have you..

Dot dot dot

This website is really addictive. Click!

Some are really hilarious and cheer me up at times. It just makes me feel my day isn't that bad after all.

Nightmares

Its Tuesday 4th November. Time flies.

I had nightmares last night and the night before. I'm a 24 year old adult. I'm not a kid. I shouldn't have nightmares so often. Something must be wrong with me.

The first dream I had, I can still remember. So vivid. Why? Cos my dreams repeat themselves. Its the same guy. The same words. The same ending. I can remember every word in the dream. Its so real that I am startled awake in the middle of the night. Then I lie in bed and force myself to sleep.

The second dream was so gross. I was walking down an aisle in a plane, or was it a train? A guy, a stranger was force feeding himself chocolate cake while simultaneously vomiting into a plastic bag. Then, he got up and threw up at a sink. Everyone was staring at him. It grossed me out so bad, I woke up. I lay in bed panting, gasping for air and I think what is wrong with me?

The bed suddenly feels too large for me, its so cold, and the darkness looks scary. I fumble for my phone just for a bit of light.

The night before, I dreamt of two black guys in my house. One of them was trying to kill the other one. For some weird reason, I was the guy being killed. A tall, black guy. Why do I know I'm that guy?

Wish I could interpret these dreams. I'm not a kid. Why do I have nightmares? Stress??? Really?


A dream I can tell no one.

Turn back time please?

Don't ask me how was work yet cos its too soon to answer that question. Ask me again in 2 weeks in which time I'll have formed an opinion on the work scope, work load, fellow colleagues, boss, boss's wife, office and the food around the office.

I've always had trouble giving speeches or presentation. Maybe not as bad as Anne Hathaway in The Princess Diaries where she threw up. But I'm still nervous every time I have to stand in front of people to give a speech. Nervous is not good cos it makes me forget things I actually do know. Things I've spent hours preparing for. But when I'm up there being I just feel I'm being judged and that things will go wrong. Everything goes out of my mind leaving me standing like an idiot with sweaty palms and an urge to go to the toilet.

So I hate sales and presenting to potential clients. God, don't make me do this.

Working in Mcd is stressful at times but at least there's no way I'm bringing work home with me. I get angry at stupid annoying customers who completely spoil my day for me, I scold lazy colleagues who piss me off but everything is fine when I'm home.

Working here now I feel pressured already!! Brought home files to read since I am being tested again tomorrow morning. Arrghh. I'm tired. Work was supposed to end at five. I have a feeling I will be cranky for some time. I don't want to be the person who gets angry at her family easily cos of work related stress. Have to keep reminding myself not to get angry.

But dammit. I will beat this. I will get this right.

Time goes by so fast when I want it to slow down. When I want it fast, it was slugging.



I wanna be that young naive girl again. Please?

Lonely

I celebrated my birthday early this year. Tonight to be exact. Thanks very much to everyone who turned up. It was unexpected. I had loads of fun tonight and I am not drunk which is also quite unexpected. =P Only one guy threw up which is quite an accomplishment considering we opened 4 bottles of Black Label.

Photos and full update tomorrow.

Tonight, I'm reminiscing about last year's birthday party. Mostly, its reminiscing someone who isn't in my life anymore. I can't sleep even though I drank a lot of whiskey coke. Sigh.

I forgot to make a wish on my birthday cake.

I am a human being with feelings. I have a lot of mixed up feelings right now. Feelings I shouldn't be having. I am allowed a little time to reminisce on my blog. Give me some time.

I lie on my bed tonight. Closed my eyes and somehow the bed feels too big for me. Its so cold in the night without your warmth. Tossing and turning I give up and come to online.

I was surrounded by so many people the whole night. I did what I was supposed to do. I laughed, I danced, I joked, I drank and I am so lonely.

I am always surrounded by guys when I go out and whenever I am left alone but it makes me lonelier than ever.

Please, leave me alone!

Life goes on.

I will be fine tomorrow.

Give me time.

Remembering the past

Tonight I went out with my parents and their friends. One of my dads friend, let's call him Mr X. He was a student in London some 20 years ago. I had fun chatting with him. He was mostly reminiscing on past memories about his studies, the tube fare (10p???), the food (50p all you can eat), his university etc.

He used to work in Burger King where he was paid £1 per hour. I said I'm paid £5 per hour now and after midnight its 50p more per hour. He was paid £2 per hour after midnight and they get transport back home for free. I told him times changed now.


Random photo taken at Covent Garden.

Oh yea, according to him, in Chinatown back then there were naked women siting in front of the windows, and you insert 10p into the slot and they dance for you. He wasted a lot of money on them. Haha.. Times change. Chinatown has changed too.

Also, apparently the hottest movie star then was Jackie Chan and even the black guys watch him kung fu kick ass. We exchanged views on the McD vs BK fries and kebabs vs fish and chips.


Kebabs and fries opposite Harringey McD.


My behind at Trafalgar Square.

It was interesting to hear the other side of London some 20 years ago. He has never returned to London saying he never found England his home. Instead, he prefers Australia and New Zealand. That's interesting.

I've never really been interested in going there. Don't know why. After college, I chose UK to Aus cos my friends were in UK. My dad didn't want me to go to NZ even though I expressed interest in studying there. His reason was: its too cold in NZ. Not good for your health. Its just an excuse..

Going to London has definitely changed me. These photos are mostly from 2 years ago when I was so messed up. I'm totally fine now which is why I can blog about them now. I got this tattoo with Nifer at Covent Garden on a bright, sunny summer afternoon. Yes its fake.

I was saving money for a real one but lucky I didn't get it. It may seem like a small thing for others but a tattoo for me is permanent and it'll stay with me a life time. I took a lot of time to think about it and in the end I didn't get a real one. I will never ever get one this life time now. I'm sure.



I started drinking heavily in summer of 2006.



It has changed me. London has changed me. But no, I don't regret anything. Sounds so cliche. But its true.

An unspoken word

I hate it. That unspoken word everyone doesn't say to me. The invisible wall between us.

Trying not to hurt me.

Trying to protect me.

Everyone is so bloody fake.

Including me.

Remembering 7/7 - 3 years later

Photo taken at Russell Square. Grabbed from Google.

Its the 3rd anniversary of the 7 July bombings in London. Three bombs exploded within 50 seconds on London Underground, and the fourth bomb on a bus at Tavistock Square.

The first bomb exploded on an eastbound Circle Line which had just left Kings Cross Station 8 minutes earlier. At the time of the explosion, the third carriage of the train was down the tunnel from Liverpool Street.

The second bomb exploded on the second carriage of a westbound Circle Line Underground train. The train had just left platform 4 at Edgware Road and was heading for Paddington. The train had left King's Cross St. Pancras about eight minutes earlier.

The third bomb exploded on a southbound Piccadilly Line deep-level Underground train, travelling between King's Cross St. Pancras and Russell Square. The bomb exploded about one minute after the train left King's Cross.

An explosion occurred in Tavistock Square on a No. 30 double-decker bus, operated by Stagecoach London travelling its route from Marble Arch to Hackney Wick.

I will never forget that incident.

On 7 July, I slept late till 12+ noon. We (Shirley and I) had earlier planned to go to Barclays Bank at Leicester Square. But I overslept. Thank God for that or I might have taken one of the tube or either way be in Central that day. Instead, we were at home watching Meteor Garden on Shirley's laptop.

Rakesh called me first around 1pm and said that there was a bomb at Kings Cross and he called to see if I was all right. He said he knows I sometimes work the morning shift so he called to check if I'm all right. I laughed at him because obviously my first reaction would be: yea right. You must be kidding. He must've thought I was so rude after I hung up the phone. FYI, I worked at McDonalds Kings Cross. The MCD is located just directly above the underground station. Right at the exit of the station.


Me in my new McDonalds uniform. First day at work.

Few minutes later my parents called from Malaysia frantic with fear. My dad was angry when he asked me: why did it take so long to get through my phone. Apparently, they'd been trying for some time to call me but the lines were down. They informed me about the bomb blasts around central London. My sister read out the names of the places: Kings Cross, Liverpool Street, Russell Square etc. I was shocked and only then reality hits. After reassuring our parents we were safe and that we'd be careful, we took out Shirley's mobile to listen to the radio.


Daddy and mummy

At that time, our house has no internet connection yet so we had no way of knowing anything.

Next day, I skipped class, but I went to work. Idiot. Now I think back, how I dared to go to work at Kings Cross McD? I normally take a bus or tube to work. I asked my boss (Bash) whether it was safe. He said yes, but don't take the tube. Take the bus, and be careful if you see people with backpacks, big bags etc.

I walked from Finsbury Park in search of a bus but roads were all closed or else bus diverted. The more I walked, the more roads were closed. I ended up joining a lot of people walking on the roads in search of buses. In the end, I walked all the way to Kings Cross McD.

On arrival my colleagues were all discussing who were at work yesterday and what happened. Martina and Bash both worked yesterday morning and took the tube to Kings Cross. They were among the lucky ones; the missed the tube with the suicide bombers.

One of my housemate was on the tube that day on the way to work. She said the tube wasn't bombed but it stopped at no stations. The Piccadilly line train she boarded from Finsbury Park didn't stop at any stations but went all the way till south london. Apparently the driver wanted to go as far away as possible.

Kings Cross the day after the bombings was packed full with policemen, and media from all over the world. Everyday police were stationed right outside the store on horses. At work, I watch the news being broadcast right from outside the McD doorstep live to the world. Inside joke at the store for everyone was of course, who wants to get on tv? Just go outside.

For the first few days, most McD customers were the police and journalists only. During these few days, there were a lot of bomb warnings around Kings Cross still. We were forced to evacuate the store, close the store, hide in the back room while the police closed the roads because of yet another warning of bomb around King Cross.

Once, the police came in store and started evacuating everyone. This guy I was serving insisted I gave him his Big Mac or money back before he left. I was scared man. Colleagues had all ran to the back while I was arguing with this man. Police shooed him out in the end. Idiot.

After a few times, these evacuations became routine. We closed the store and went to the back room as no one was allowed in front. In the back room, we turned on the tv to watch the news outside, and settled in to eat. This was McD, we had plenty of food. I remember Bash went around asking: who's hungry? who wants deli sandwich? Whereas another Korean girl (Uni) was saying: what's happening? what's going on? oh my God. I don't want to die. I don't want to die with hamburgers and french fries. It was so funny the way she said it.

I made it sound light and humorous when its not. A lot of people were afraid to take the tube after that incident. For a long time after that, I was still wary of people carrying bags or of abandoned bags at stations. 52 people have died in those attacks and 700 injured.

That was 3 years ago.

Today, hundreds of commuters and survivors stood silently as Mayor Boris Johnson and others laid flowers outside King's Cross train and subway station at 8:50 a.m. three years after the attacks in 2005.

These series of suicide bomb explosions constituted the largest and deadliest terrorist attack on London's transit system in its history. Let's hope and pray its the last.


Shirley and I on the bus. 3 years ago.

Missing my laptop

I want my Toshiba laptop back! I miss my laptop. I need youuu..

Seduction

In the GAME of seduction

There is only ONE rule

NEVER fall in love!

What if I am already in love?

I failed.

Miserably.

With You.

Division

You chose to surrender the best thing that's happened to you
What were you missing
Were you just tripping
Running away from your fear was the best you could do
you made this decision
you chose our division

Back again

I brought 2 laptops to London again this time. My Toshiba to repair at PC World cos its still under warranty. The Kuching Toshiba manufacturer told me that it'd take a long time for the parts, warranty procedure and also that my Toshiba laptop model is not sold in Malaysia. So, I should bring it back to London to repair. Boo!

So, my hand carry is quite heavy. From Kch - KL, the few people around me watched as i tried again and again to lift my heavy hand carry to the luggage compartment on top. No one offered to help. And I hurt myself. Finger bleeding. Damn..

KLIA's satelitte terminal. I was killing time, waiting for my flight

From KL - London, its a different story. As soon as I lifted up my bag, 3 pairs of hands came to help me lift it up. Yea. I was saved. We were brought up in a different way. During disembark, the nice gentleman next to me stood up and asked which one is my bag and lifted it down for me straightaway. Thank you. He was very nice. Kept talking to me throughout the flight and making jokes. Unfortunately, his Scottish accent was too strong and I hardly understood his jokes. I just smiled lamely and replied some only. Silly Amy.

Cotton wool . Marshmallows. Clouds.

12 hours 45 mins + 2 very unsatisfying meals + Ugly Betty episodes + Spiderwick Chronicles + Just For Laughs, Jumper + Dr Norton Hears a Who + countless orange juices minus sleep later, I arrived at Heathrow. Sleep deprived. Dehydrated. Tired.

Queues at immigration again. Same questions again. Said goodbye to nice gentleman who sat beside me. Waited for luggage and went out to meet Shirley. But she was late. Again. =) Hahaa..

Not too long later, 3 bitches reunite at Southwark Park.

Nightmares

For a long time now, I've been having nightmares on and off. Normally when I have nightmares, I wake up instead of going back to sleep. But last night, I kept telling myself. Sleep. Next dream will be better but its not. I woke up 4 times in total and gave up trying to sleep.

In the dream, I was someone else. Always I'm a stranger and the people around me are strangers, people I don't see in real life. I vaguely remember them now.

In one dream, my sister (stranger) shot me many times with a gun. I didn't die cos I was shot in the hand. She didn't want me to die, just wanted me to be in pain which is why she shot my arm, my hand.

Then I was running to a restaurant with 2 other girl friends when I was knocked down by a car? Don't remember..

Dream changed. I'm a little girl again (stranger too) and I was crouching by a corner. A guy was coming to me, he was going to rape me. Then I ran to my dad for help. My dad was also a stranger. Someone I've never seen before. My dad-stranger started stroking himself. He was going to rape me himself..

I woke up gasping for breath. Trying to control my heart beat and I just want to forget..

Do I have a really imaginative mind or is something wrong with me? Why do I dream of these things?

*sigh*

Unfortunately for me, I think I know exactly why I'm having nightmares night after night.

Sleep?

This is our family room. Mum, Winnie and I share a bed, while daddy has a single bed on his own. I hate sharing a bed with winnie and mum.



Shirley probably remember that night in Sunderland, what did I say on sharing a bed. "I only share a bed with guys" Her mum probably had a seizure hearing this. Truth is, I forgot aunty was there. Got used to kidding around with Nifer and Shirley like that.

Anyway, one night of sharing a bed with mum and winnie. Winnie was kicking the whole night. I slept 4 hours and gave up. I woke up early and read in the bathroom myself for 3 hours till they woke up.



Next day, I got an extra blanket from Housekeeping and slept on the floor. Its been months since I slept on the floor. That time was in 168B, with Willie. Even then it was uncomfortable. Now, it was torture. I wore a t shirt, jacket, long jeans to sleep and a thin blanket. And i hugged myself to sleep. When I woke up, I felt like I hardly slept. No willie to keep me warm anymore..

Starry Starry Night

I remember in Form 4, my english teacher played a cassette in Literature class. One phrase stands out: Starry Starry Night.

It was a windy night. I went jogging in the park just now. After 40 mins, I went to play on the swings.



I could feel the winds blowing as I pushed myself to swing higher, higher and higher till I felt the adrenaline rush as the swings start to creak.

With my iPod playing in my ears and millions of stars in the heavens tonight, I felt lost in the moment.

It was drizzling earlier and there were dark clouds over the horizon. But as I watched, the winds blew away all the clouds leaving me with an endless stretch of stars.

Its been so long since I've seen this. In London, you'll be lucky to see the moon even. Buildings, fogs, clouds cover everything.

As the wind blew, I watched as the clouds were blown away, opening up a sea of twinkling bright lights: stars. I couldn't have counted how many there were. Baby, I felt lost in time..



I've never been much of a romantic but ever since young, I've always loved watching the stars and the moon. At that moment, while I was on the swings I wish I had an ice cold beer with me, or better yet, someone to share it with.

This is Hotel California by the Eagles.